Then To Live As a Woman
by Swordchucks
Summary: The sequel to "To Live Not As a Warrior", Motoko and Keitaro grow closer together while the other residents of the Hinatasou have their own demons to face.
1. The First Day

Revision note: The only thing of significance that has changed in this  
update is Tsuruko's offer. Feel free to skip ahead if you're read this  
before.  
  
Then To Live As a Woman  
The First Day  
A Love Hina Fanfic  
Tim Williams (ffml_tim@yahoo.com or fireangel37@yahoo.com)  
  
All characters and settings are copyright Ken Akamatsu, and others.  
Divergence from manga #74 (Volume 9) or anime episode 25. Fairly  
spoiler-ridden if you haven't seen or read that far, but not too badly  
so. This is the sequel to "To Live Not As a Warrior".  
  
A quick note. I spent some time trying to come up with the most  
respectful title a wife could give to her husband. I came up with  
shujin-donno which is an educated guess. There might be a better word  
than "shujin", or there might be a more commonly accepted form. If you  
know of a better one (or can fill me in on how a very submissive,  
traditional wife would act), please let me know and I'll change to  
accommodate it.  
  
***  
  
Sunlight streaming through the open window touched Keitaro's face and  
brought him slowly to wakefulness. Grumbling to himself, he moved one  
hand to block out the light and wipe the sleep from his eyes. His lips  
were dry, and his mouth offered little moisture for his tongue to rub  
across them. He groaned in discomfort, and stretched his back out a  
bit, which caused a soft series of pops but no real relief.  
  
//What day is it?// he wondered, the world was a little blurry, and he  
didn't quite feel like getting up enough to find get his bearings just  
yet. //What time is it?// He ventured opening his eyes enough to peer  
through a slit in his fingers at the window. The morning was gone, it  
seemed, and afternoon was creeping in. His leg ached terribly. The  
triple compound fracture wasn't healing very well, mostly because he  
didn't give it much of a chance. Not with all the fighting he and  
Motoko had been doing. //Tsuruko is certainly a tough opponent.//  
  
He blinked. //She had been a tough opponent... yesterday... we  
lost...// Memories came tumbling back to him and he found more than  
enough willpower to sit up. He... and Motoko... and last night...  
  
She was not in the room, which brought him some relief. //Maybe that  
was all just a dream... she couldn't really... we aren't really...// As  
much as he wanted it to be otherwise, he realized that it could not have  
been anything but reality. His questing eyes had finally finished their  
scan of the room and his brain finished analyzing the environment for  
changes. His room was certainly cleaner than it had been since he could  
remember, but it was also more crowded. All of Motoko's things were  
arranged neatly to one side of the room and her futon was rolled up near  
them. She had definitely been here.  
  
Keitaro took a deep breath and sighed whole-heartedly. "This is a fine  
mess," he grumbled to himself. Last night, Motoko had been so  
insistent, and he had wanted to oblige her. The memory of her warmth  
pressed against him made his skin pebble with gooseflesh. But when he  
had balked, she had demanded that he kill her.  
  
No, she hadn't demanded it. She had begged for it.  
  
That made it even worse, in his mind. It seemed that if she couldn't be  
a warrior, she had to find some other definition for herself or else  
life wasn't worth living. Keitaro wasn't sure what he wanted, but he  
definitely knew he didn't want Motoko to die. He was also sure that he  
couldn't take advantage of her in her irrational state, even if she was  
his wife.  
  
Wife.  
  
The word seemed to almost boom inside his skull, its single, ominous  
syllable as frightening as any threat he had ever heard. Somehow, for  
all of their inept fumbling at a relationship, he had spent the last  
year dreaming about that word in relation to Naru, but now it had bound  
him to Motoko, instead. //This... wasn't part of the plan.//  
  
//Wife...//  
  
//Motoko...//  
  
//If two people who love each other go to Toudai together...//  
  
He lay back down heavily. This was all a little more than he could  
process. There had to be a way out of the marriage that would please  
both of them. //Life can't be that unfair. Can it?//  
  
He laughed to himself. Of course life could be that unfair. He'd spent  
three years working like crazy to get into Toudai, and a sizable chunk  
of a building had fallen on him as he attempted to attend the welcome  
ceremony. For at least three months, he was going to miss classes and  
fall behind the other students because of the broken leg he had received  
in that incident. Then he had confessed his love to Naru from his  
hospital bed only to have her avoid him for a whole two months, and the  
next time he got a chance to talk to her, he was instead getting married  
to Motoko.  
  
Now he was married to a girl who seemed more than willing to die for  
failing to live up to some idealized standard, but appeared to want his  
permission to do so. He rolled his eyes and sighed again. "Women!" He  
almost growled the word, making it sound like an accusation. In a way  
it was, since it seemed to summarize the hell that was his life rather  
thoroughly.  
  
"What about us?"  
  
From the drawl, he didn't need to get back up to know that it was  
Kitsune who had spoken. He rose anyway, only a little surprised to find  
her slipping into his room and closing the door behind her. Pulling a  
cushion up behind him, he managed to get into a relatively comfortable  
sitting position that allowed him to see her and the rest of the room  
without craning his neck. He could have stood up, but without crutches  
there didn't seem to be much point to it.  
  
"Everything," he grumbled. The look Kitsune wore spoke as much to  
amusement as worry, but both were present, even if not in equal  
portions. "What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing... I just wanted to look in on the happy groom and see if he  
was still breathing." She smiled a little, though whether at her jest  
or something else wasn't clear. "Naru filled us in on the how, but I  
have to say that the why is still a little confusing."  
  
"It... it's complicated."  
  
"Fine, but if you don't want to talk, I'll just take my sake and go back  
to my room," she said slyly, holding out the bottle she had previously  
kept hidden behind her back. "Motoko didn't get to all of my stash, but  
it's the survivor till I get restocked."  
  
Keitaro sighed. "Fine, have a seat. I definitely need a drink."  
  
***  
  
Though Keitaro and Konno Mitsune had never been the closest of friends,  
his convalescence and her lack of employment meant that they had spent  
the better part of a month alone in the Hinatasou during the day.  
They'd taken to sharing an afternoon drink together as often as not,  
though Keitaro maintained it was for medicinal purposes only.  
  
Today, however, he was as tempted to loose himself in the bottle as she  
was. He had just finished recounting the previous day's activities when  
he realized what had been bugging him for the last several minutes.  
"Say, have you seen Motoko today?"  
  
"Eh?" Kitsune asked, looking up from her drink. She had started a fair  
while before coming to see Keitaro, and her cheeks were already flushed.  
"Yeah, she was cleaning the hot spring when I came up to see you. Tho'  
she didn't want to borrow my maid outfit this time." She winked  
mischievously at the mention of it. The clothing in question had caused  
no end of trouble the week before and was from that "special" collection  
that Kitsune apparently never got a chance to use. Well, not that  
Keitaro had ever noticed, anyway.  
  
"She didn't go to school?" He asked it as a question, but he had  
suspected it for truth even before Kitsune mentioned it. She was  
shaking his head, confirming that his new wife had decided to play  
hooky. Of course Motoko wouldn't want to go to school the day after she  
got married. Her peers had envied her as a strong, independent woman,  
but when news of her current status got out, it would shatter that image  
forever. Motoko was a complicated girl, but Keitaro knew that to her  
image and reality were often the same animal.  
  
He sighed heavily at the thought. It was almost two in the afternoon,  
and there wasn't a lot of time before the other residents of the house  
started drifting in. Talking to Kitsune had at least helped him get his  
thoughts in order, and the sake had done a lot to relieve the tension he  
had been feeling, though he was careful not to get too tipsy.  
  
"Keitaro?" He was startled to realize that her voice was dead serious,  
laced with worry. "Motoko is going to be okay, right? If there's  
anythin' I can do..." She trailed off as Keitaro nodded.  
  
"She'll be okay. She's just in shock from the fight," he tried to make  
the words sound believable, but he knew that it was wishful thinking, at  
best. The shock of the fight had been forgotten as soon as the wedding  
was over, he would have wagered. "Give her a few days and she will be  
back to her old self."  
  
"It's... well... seeing her like this... and last night... it made me  
realize..." she leaned in closer as she spoke and Keitaro could feel a  
confession of some sort coming up. He gulped as his mind franticly  
tried to put together what she was going to say before she said it. Was  
she going to try to steal him away from Motoko? Was she- His thoughts  
were interrupted as she continued. "If you don't do something soon, I'm  
going to have to start sleeping with Su again. And I don't know if my  
back can handle it."  
  
Keitaro blinked, his fantasy fading like mist before the rising sun. Of  
course, he had experienced the bedtime thrashing that Su could dish out  
and understood Kitsune's anxiety. He laughed nervously to cover his  
surprise. "Y-yea... I'll try to get it sorted out as quickly as  
possible."  
  
***  
  
By some miracle, Kitsune had found a crutch for him that was still  
serviceable. The set he had left the hospital on were somewhere in  
Kyoto, probably in several pieces. Even if there was only one, it still  
made his movements a great deal easier. Hobbling down the hallways and  
paths of the Hinatasou toward the kitchen, he was surprised to catch a  
faint hint of cooking food on the breeze as he stepped out of the main  
building. At this time of day, the kitchen was usually deserted.  
  
Since he had last seen Kitsune heading toward her room, it could only  
mean that Motoko was the one in the kitchen. He almost turned around  
and headed back inside, but he knew that delaying could only make him  
more nervous about eventually talking to her than he already was. He  
took a deep breath to calm his already frazzled nerves and limped  
inside.  
  
From the doorway to the small dining area before the kitchen, he  
couldn't see his new wife. He took the extra moment offered him by the  
layout of the kitchen to plan what he was going to say. Motoko was one  
of the strongest people he had ever met, but she was also... well,  
fragile. He certainly didn't want to let the husband and wife act go  
too far, but he didn't dare rebuke her outright. There was a fine line  
he would have to tread until she came to her senses.  
  
//If she comes to her senses,// some pessimistic part of his brain  
added. His lips twisted in distaste, though even he was not sure  
whether it was at the thought itself or at the part of his brain that  
added in, //Would that be so bad?//  
  
He couldn't let himself be drawn into that trap now. He had resisted  
taking advantage of her a week ago. He had resisted taking advantage of  
her the night before. He was going to resist taking advantage of her  
now, as well. He nodded to himself as he strengthened his resolve and  
took a step forward to look into the kitchen.  
  
During the course of his life at the Hinatasou, Keitaro had seem Motoko  
go through an evolution. When he had first moved in, she had hid her  
femininity with a religious devotion that few could or would rival.  
Through one series of events or another, however, she had gradually  
become more feminine to the point that she would actually wear a skirt  
without being forced. Sometimes, at least. Today, Keitaro realized, he  
may have just seen the next stage in that progression.  
  
Motoko was dressed simply, in the kimono she had been given by her  
sister the day before. He had seen her wear kimonos to festivals  
before, and always thought they looked good on her, but somehow, today  
it was different. //She's certainly become more ladylike...// He'd once  
forced her to wear a skirt to make her look more like a woman, and she  
had balked. Now he could see that she had been holding something back  
before. She hadn't wanted to look like a beautiful woman, so she hadn't  
let her resistance go.  
  
For some reason, she wasn't resisting her feminine side today, and it  
showed itself in all of its glory. If he had really thought about it,  
he might have realized that a traditional beauty such as she looked best  
in traditional garb. The attire, in and of itself, wasn't fancy. It  
was simple, but it hugged her body well and seemed to fit her as well as  
her kendo garb ever had.  
  
When he looked into the kitchen, she was just finishing the arrangement  
of a tray of food. She chanced to glance up at the door and caught him  
looking in as she was finishing. He realized, in some amazement, that  
she had been humming a soft tune to herself while she worked. If she  
hadn't stopped upon seeing him, he was certain that he wouldn't have  
realized it in the first place. The tray she had been working on, held  
a simple, traditional breakfast of miso, rice, and vegetables, much the  
same as he had seen her prepare a week before.  
  
Still awestruck by her beauty, he could only stare at her, mouth  
slightly open. Motoko bowed a little at him, backing away from the tray  
a half step. If he hadn't known better, he would have sworn that she  
was blushing. "I am sorry, Shujin-donno, I did not realize that you had  
arisen."  
  
Keitaro's stupor only deepened at her humble, self-effacing manner. Had  
she really just implied that he were her lord and master? While the  
majority of his mind reeled in shock, some part of him realized that if  
he wasn't going forward in this conversation, he was loosing ground.  
"Motoko... I... you..."  
  
She bowed her head to him respectfully, "Does my husband wish breakfast  
at the table or in our rooms?"  
  
"I... here is fine..." he managed. His lack of mental agility almost  
resulting in a nasty fall as he forgot to move the crutch instead of his  
cast-bound leg. He regained his balance quickly enough that he didn't  
think Motoko had noticed and hobbled to the table, still drifting along  
on autopilot.  
  
The tray was placed delicately on the table and she laid out chopsticks  
for him. She remained there, watching expectantly, until he started to  
eat. He wanted to decline, but his stomach rumbled loudly at just that  
moment and he knew that a refusal would be almost insulting.  
//Besides... I eat Shinobu's food all the time, and that's not taking  
advantage.// Consoling himself with that thought, he began to partake of  
the meal that had been prepared for him. At first, the actions were  
slow and mechanical, but eating alleviated the need for conversation and  
soon his brain caught up with current events. //She is a good cook,//  
he thought to himself as he finished the meal. //Her recipes are just a  
little on the utilitarian side.//  
  
//What am I thinking?// another part of his brain screamed at him. //I  
came to diffuse the situation and I end up letting her call me "master"  
and cook for me? If Naru saw this she would... she would...//  
  
That part of his mind he had come to hate rang in with the answer.  
//Nothing. She would do nothing. She never answered me after the  
hospital, and now I'm married. She doesn't care now and maybe she never  
did.//  
  
He sighed silently and bowed his head, his eyes closing as the tried to  
fight off the headache that was building. A long week was getting  
longer. Realizing that he had forgotten the topic at hand, he looked up  
just in time to catch the look on Motoko's face before she put back on  
her 'contented wife' mask. He really shouldn't have been caught off  
guard by the sight of her in the kitchen. He'd lost the initiative and  
now had to play catch-up just to stay in the game.  
  
"Motoko..." he tried feverishly to come up with a course of action which  
would lead to a productive conversation. "Please... ah... help me back  
to my room." It wasn't the most inspired idea he'd ever had, but it  
would certainly give him a chance to think and watch Motoko a bit more  
closely.  
  
As they walked, he took the opportunity to do just that. Motoko's eyes  
were a little puffy, no doubt the result of poor sleep and the weeping  
she had done the night before. Not that Keitaro was about to criticize  
anyone for either action, since he had engaged in plenty of both in the  
last couple of years. She was tired and confused, from what he could  
tell. She was acting like a perfect wife, but that may have been only  
because she didn't want to have to deal with the real situation.  
  
The walk went slowly. Keitaro didn't mean to drag down the pace as much  
as he did, but his injury had definitely been better a week before.  
Motoko, for her part, did not complain, and simply matched his pace,  
steadying him as he walked. Soon, they were back in his room. //Our  
room,// some part of his thought process added.  
  
"Ah... please... have a seat?" he asked, though he had originally  
intended it as a statement.  
  
Motoko did, and so did he. She simply folded her hands in her lap and  
looked down at the edge of the table, too demure to even look in his  
direction, much less meet his gaze.  
  
"Ah... Motoko," he began, barely having any idea of what he was going to  
say before it came out. "About last night..."  
  
She broke in as he trailed off. "I am sorry, Shujin-donno, I shall not  
act in such a shameful manner again." She was blushing, he was sure of  
it this time.  
  
"No. I mean... it wasn't shameful. I understand that all of this is  
very hard on you." He drew in a deep breath and looked at her for a few  
seconds before going on. "Please, call me Keitaro or Urashima or  
something. I am not the kind of guy who needs that kind of deference.  
  
Motoko seemed to hesitate for a moment but nodded her head. "Yes...  
Keitaro."  
  
She seemed so resigned about it, he realized. He could probably ask her  
to do just about anything and she would without more than a moment's  
hesitation. He resisted the urge to sigh, again, though it was strong.  
"Motoko... I... I know that everything is different now... and that it's  
all been so difficult for you... for both of us. You're acting... I  
liked the old you. You know... before..."  
  
Keitaro wasn't sure if she looked relieved or frightened at the notion.  
"I... I will t-try..." she stammered, appearing completely unsure of  
herself. The contrast between this and her personality before the  
wedding was stark.  
  
It was at that moment that he realized that there was no magical fix for  
the situation. Whatever had been broken inside Motoko wasn't simply  
going to repair itself, and she may never be who she had been before.  
Being banished from the Shinmeiryuu had shattered her spirit into a  
thousand pieces, and he was going to have to pick them up and try to  
make them into a whole unit once more.  
  
They sat in silence for a while, though the gap in the conversation only  
got longer and longer. Motoko wasn't about to offer to speak without  
being spoken to, and Keitaro was desperately trying to decide how to  
tackle the situation. He had to keep up the husband routine, if for no  
other reason than it was for her safety.  
  
//Not that I would mind being... you know... but with the old Motoko,//  
he finally admitted to himself. He drew a long shuddering breath,  
actually blushing at the thought, though it was one he had had before.  
  
The silence was eventually broken when Motoko produced a sheathed blade  
from the folds of her kimono and laid it gingerly on the table before  
Keitaro. For his part, Keitaro started at the blade for a few moments,  
not understanding, then the night before came rushing back to him and he  
protested, "I'm n-not going to kill you..."  
  
She shook her head. "I... you say you w-wanted me to act like... like  
before," she said as she turned her head to the side slightly. "I don't  
know if I can... so much has changed." Keitaro realized with a start  
that she was on the verge of tears. "But... I would have you know that  
I won't kill myself. No matter how bad things get..."  
  
"Motoko... I..."  
  
"I have always served a blade, it seems," she said with a bitter smile.  
Tears were rolling down her cheeks at this point. "If... when you no  
longer want me as a wife, just give me back that blade and I will make  
an honorable end to myself."  
  
"No!" he said with force and feeling. He came up to a half standing  
position as he said it, but couldn't maintain it with his broken leg.  
Somehow, he managed to limp halfway around the table to sit adjacent to  
her, down the next table edge. "I don't want you to die... ever..." He  
took one of her hands in his, and he was surprised to find that he was  
also crying at this point. She didn't resist him, and her words seemed  
to lend her a little bit of comfort. "So don't talk about killing  
yourself anymore... okay?"  
  
She had degenerated to full tears as well and nodded, unable to form  
words without her voice betraying her. He reached out and drew her  
closer and they sat there, in a heap of sobbing for a few moments. Even  
as upset as he was, Keitaro couldn't help but notice how nice she felt  
against him, but he quickly pushed aside such thoughts. //Think pure  
thoughts, think pure thoughts, think...// he reminded himself, and it  
became a mantra. Of the things he was likely to do in the near future,  
taking advantage of Motoko wasn't going to be one of them, he decided.  
  
After their initial crying, they stayed in that position for a bit, and  
Keitaro was surprised to find Motoko's hands curl up in the clothing  
across his chest. She pressed the side of her face against it, as well,  
and he had nothing to do with his arms except hold her.  
  
***  
  
Motoko held on to Keitaro for quite a while. She wasn't forceful about  
it, but it was clear to him that extricating her would require some  
effort. It didn't seem worth it, though, since it was oddly comforting  
to him, as well. He inhaled the smell of her hair and something...  
stirred. He gulped, but tried his best not to make it any more obvious  
than it already was that he was growing aroused.  
  
Feverishly, he tried to think of anything except the matter, and woman,  
at hand, but only succeeded in fixating on the feel of her against his  
body. //Not good, not good!// he reminded himself.  
  
Fortunately for Keitaro, his door slid open at exactly that moment and  
Kitsune poked her head inside. "Eh, Keitaro?" she asked, looking in.  
"Oh..." she trailed off as she spotted the two of them.  
  
Keitaro suddenly found himself free of Motoko's clutches as she quickly  
went back to a more dignified pose. He could see a blush creeping  
across her face, and her hands fretted at the hem of her kimono. It was  
almost cute to see her like that. He shook the thoughts from his head  
and turned back to Kitsune.  
  
"Y-Yes?" he asked, his embarrassment causing his tongue to flub the  
simple word.  
  
"I... ah... someone left some stuff at the top of the steps for you. I  
brought it in." She produced a thick leather envelope, almost large  
enough to be considered a satchel, and tossed it to him. The weight of  
the package was sufficient that it landed only a few feet away with a  
heavy flopping sound. "I'll... ah... just leave you two alone..." She  
backed out, almost appearing embarrassed at having walked in on them,  
though it likely had more to do with the oddity of Motoko's behavior  
than anything else.  
  
Keitaro nervously picked up the envelope, noticing that whoever had  
addressed it had used only his first name, written in neat kanji on the  
front of the package. Breaking the seal, he was surprised to discover a  
half dozen scrolls and a small sheaf of other documents contained  
inside. The scrolls were each sealed, so he lifted up the sheaf of  
papers first.  
  
The title of the first sheet immediately caught his attention and he  
gulped dramatically. While he had been consoling himself with the fact  
that the marriage had been a thing of tradition only, the document in  
his hands was embossed with official seals and carried a title much akin  
to "Certificate of Acceptance of Notification of Marriage". He skimmed  
the document, barely able to make sense of the words written thereon.  
  
He wasn't quite sure how Tsuruko had managed it, but it was possible  
that she had friends in the right places who had helped her get a  
marriage declared official without all of the requisite documentation.  
It was also possible that documents had been falsified, but petitioning  
for an annulment would likely be the last thing Motoko wanted at this  
point.  
  
He realized that Motoko was giving him a questioning look, though she  
was still apparently in her shell enough not to interrupt his gawking.  
"I... we..." he stammered, sliding the document toward his new wife.  
She looked it over and nodded, as though it were only what she had  
expected. He discovered that the next page was a letter from Tsuruko.  
  
"Keitaro-san,  
  
I trust that this letter finds you and my sister well. This all must  
come as a harsh adjustment for the both of you, but I saw the way you  
worked together against me and feel that your marriage is not an ill-  
fated one.  
  
Though your debt to me has been discharged, I feel that I must ask a  
favor. The family line of which I and Motoko are the last descendants  
will die out completely with your union, and the Shinmeiryuu may well be  
lost or fragmented beyond repair without the Aoyama family to lead it.  
I care for the Shinmeiryuu almost as much as my own sister, and wish to  
put forth the following offer so that both may flourish.  
  
It is my wish that your family continue the Aoyama line. Should you  
choose to learn the way of the Shinmeiryuu, I shall return to the  
Hinatasou each year on the anniversary of your union. If I am defeated  
by honorable means by the pair of you, then I will stand to certify you  
as a master of the school and allow the school to pass on to your  
second-born child, provided he or she takes up the Aoyama name. Until  
such a time as your child is able to take up the school, my sister will  
have to manage the dojo.  
  
If you do not wish this, then I still wish both you and my sister a  
happy life together.  
  
Tsuruko"  
  
Keitaro reread the letter a few times, trying to figure out what,  
exactly, Tsuruko intended. He had known all along that she hadn't  
wanted Motoko to loose against her, especially since she had gone so far  
as to tell him outright, and this seemed like it might be a second  
chance for Motoko. Or was it?  
  
He would have to set the destiny of his second-born child before his or  
her birth, though he wasn't sure destiny was such a bad thing.  
Certainly it would give some meaning back to Motoko's life, or at least  
keep her from pretending to be his property. He would gladly agree to  
do it, if it meant her happiness. It didn't even require him to  
relinquish his ownership of the Hinatasou, though he certainly couldn't  
manage it effectively from Kyoto, with his own family's business to  
consider and whatever career he ended up with on his own... It certainly  
seemed like he was going to be in for a lot of work if he agreed.  
  
His true misgivings were about the offer of further matches to become a  
master of the Shinmeiryuu. He had seen Motoko's skill and dedication  
and knew he possessed neither. Even if he were virtually immortal,  
there was no way he could best Motoko's sister in a fight in just a  
year's time. He looked up at his wife, who looked down at his glance,  
though she had been watching him read intently. He could catch just a  
hint of excitement in her expression, and he knew what he must do.  
  
He passed the letter to Motoko, and, as she read, leafed through the  
other papers in the stack. The first was a long flowery note informing  
him that he had permission to study the Shinmeiryuu school with Tsuruko  
as his official master. The second was a similar letter notifying  
Motoko of her banishment from the school. Third in the line was a note  
very similar to the first which allowed Motoko back into the school, but  
only on a provisional basis to train Keitaro, and it also placed Tsuruko  
as her official master. The scrolls were charts of techniques and  
pressure points suitable for a student of the martial arts.  
  
Keitaro shook his head. Tsuruko was a woman of her word, but she was  
also the type to find a way around even the most definitive declaration.  
She had seen to it that Motoko was banished from the school, but then  
let her back in within a matter of moments. Then she had given him an  
impossible task, but completing it would mean he would be able to return  
Motoko to her previous status. Doing so would also mean he would be  
duty bound to be sure that the Shinmeiryuu dojo was properly cared  
for... coupled with his own family obligations, somehow, his dreams of  
archeology didn't seem like they were going to come true.  
  
He looked back to his wife and saw that she was crying as she reread the  
letter, though they were not the hopeless tears that she had shed  
earlier or the night before. At that moment, he knew that what he had  
to do. At least, this time, he was sure that he had a choice in the  
matter, even if he weren't the type of guy who would ever choose the  
other path. //Besides, old rocks are boring, anyway...//  
  
"Motoko... I... will you train me? So I can defeat your sister?" he  
asked hesitantly.  
  
He had expected a nod or an agreement. Instead, he found himself  
tackled and being given a long, deep kiss. //Salty... she must have had  
some of the miso soup earlier...// His mind was, more or less, fried at  
that point. He had been kissed by her just the day before, but this  
time it was different. For one thing, there wasn't a demonic entity  
moving him about like a puppet, and there was no reason outside of the  
two of them why it should be happening. Eventually, he just relaxed,  
his arms falling lightly around her and did his best to kiss her back.  
  
Since fate always seemed to conspire to ruin any perfect moment Urashima  
Keitaro may have ever had, the door to the room slid open a little, as  
though someone were seeing admittance. There was a gasp and then the  
sound of running feet, which could only indicate Shinobu had seen them  
doing what they had just been doing.  
  
Keitaro let the kiss go on for a few more seconds before he could regain  
enough composure to break it off and push his wife away slightly. For  
her part, Motoko realized what she had just done and blushed a deep  
crimson. She lingered for only a moment before sitting back and  
climbing off Keitaro. She looked embarrassed, but she wasn't yelling or  
crying, which Keitaro decided had to be a good thing. He wanted nothing  
more than to kiss her back, but, with the heat of the moment gone, he  
wasn't sure it wouldn't evoke a little too much of the old Motoko and  
lead to more pain for his injured leg. Besides, Shinobu wasn't handling  
the whole marriage situation well. //She's probably just being  
overprotective of Motoko,// he decided.  
  
"I should go after her..." he said, rising to find his crutch. Motoko  
only nodded, her face still beat red. Apparently she had not intended  
to be so forward.  
  
***  
  
Keitaro finally found Shinobu in her secret place among the rooftops.  
He was going to greet her, but realized that Su was already present and  
that the two were having a conversation. He edged closer, as quietly as  
he could with a crutch under one arm and listened in. //Just so I know  
what's bothering her,// he assured himself. Though he did have a bad  
habit of eavesdropping that often ended in being attacked.  
  
"... not like I ever had a chance. I mean... sempai is always getting  
caught in... situations with everyone but me." Shinobu was saying, and  
he could tell from the tone of her voice that she had been crying.  
  
"Keitaro is great and all, but I don't know why you're so upset. What'd  
he do?"  
  
"He... I... he was kissing Motoko, with his h-hands all over h-her... I  
k-know that they're m-married, b-but... I didn't think it was for  
real..." she trailed off, sniffling.  
  
"Hey! I know!" Su almost bounced in her excitement, though Su almost  
bounces in just about any emotional state, so it was no surprise. "Why  
don't you get him to marry you, too? That way you could get all kissy  
with him, too."  
  
From his vantage point, Keitaro couldn't see them, but he could almost  
feel Shinobu blushing. "We... we don't do that in Japan, Su. Besides,  
he still treats me like a kid..."  
  
"Awww... things are easier back home."  
  
Keitaro realized that Shinobu must have a crush on him. It certainly  
explained a lot of her behavior over the last year. He also realized  
that he was the last person who should be trying to talk her through  
this trouble. Shinobu had been right about him being married. Whatever  
happened with her, he was sure he couldn't marry her, and if Motoko  
regained even a portion of her former confidence, cheating on her would  
be as good as signing his own death warrant.  
  
He slipped back inside before he was seen and crept very carefully until  
he was well away from the area. He'd just breathed a sigh of relief  
when a few paces ahead of him a door slid open, and Naru stepped into  
the hallway from the laundry area. She noticed him immediately and made  
a small noise similar to "humph" and turned to go the other way.  
  
"Naru, wait..." he began, certain she'd keep walking. He was rather  
surprised when she stopped and turned on her heel again. "I... ah...  
I'm sorry about everything..."  
  
Naru suddenly smiled at him, broadly. "Whatever for? You don't have to  
apologize to me for anything, Urashima-san." The impersonality of her  
address stung him even though the words themselves did not.  
  
"I never meant to get married... it was all an accident," he said, but  
her expression remained the same sarcastic smile.  
  
"Well, you certainly didn't put up much resistance."  
  
"I... we... Tsuruko's scary..." He had no good excuse that he could  
share. Somehow, the fact that Motoko had spent the last two days ready  
to commit suicide didn't seem like it was anyone's business except for  
his and hers. Well, and Kitsune, but she had just been worried about  
Motoko. "Besides, what do you care? You've been avoiding me for the  
last two months!"  
  
"You're right. I don't care." She was still smiling as she stomped her  
foot, turned and walked away.  
  
Keitaro didn't try to follow her for much the same reasons that he  
didn't talk to Shinobu before. He had been convinced he was in love  
with Naru, and he still thought she felt something for him. However,  
her behavior had never shown it. Besides, unless he found a way out of  
this marriage, it was all a moot point.  
  
//Do I even want to get out of the marriage?// some part of his mind  
asked. He honestly didn't have a good answer for it. In the last two  
days, they had kissed twice, and he could not deny that he felt  
something when they did. He watched Naru's retreating back and realized  
how much he had missed her for the last two months, but that seemed to  
be something that he was going to have to grow accustomed to, if this  
meeting were any indication.  
  
He sighed again, realizing the irony that the one girl in the Hinatasou  
that he had always tried to avoid was now one of the only two girls who  
would still listen to him and seemed to like him. He certainly hoped  
that Shinobu came to terms with his marriage and still liked him. He'd  
always thought of her as something of a little sister, but that might  
not have been an image he would be able to maintain. And Naru was...  
well, Naru. Su was still Su, of course, and Sarah was still Sarah, and  
Mutsumi was still Mutsumi, though she hadn't been around in a while.  
Those three, however, weren't very good with conversations, as a rule.  
  
The only thing that made it seem like a livable situation at all was  
that just a year and a half before, having even a single female friend  
would have been a daydream. Now he had a fairly good female friend,  
provided he didn't trust her too much, and a wife that was beautiful and  
intelligent. Even if she was still in highschool.  
  
//Of course, she'll be taking next year's entrance exams... maybe she  
could go to Toudai, too...// he smiled at the thought. Maybe childhood  
promises were a bit overrated.  
  
***  
  
The rest of the evening passed as well as could be expected. Naru was  
nowhere to be found, and Shinobu seemed to be avoiding Keitaro and  
Motoko with a similar passion. Kitsune, Sarah, and Su were as jovial as  
ever, though it seemed a little hollow without the others around.  
  
Motoko, herself, seemed a changed person since the arrival of the  
letter. She'd thrown off the passive persona she had adopted that  
morning and returned to some semblance of her old self. After dinner  
that night, she had insisted on teaching Keitaro how to hold a blade and  
the two of them had hobbled outside and practiced for a little while.  
Of course, when Motoko said that she wanted to teach him how to hold a  
sword, she meant exactly that. The entire first lesson was devoted to  
nothing other than the proper grip and wrist posture. The lesson wasn't  
very challenging, but what she could teach him while he had a broken leg  
was rather limited.  
  
The sun began to set before the lesson was over, and they walked back as  
the fiery orb of the sun slowly sank below the horizon. Keitaro was  
exhausted from the practice, and leaning against Motoko provided him the  
support he needed to be able to walk. At least, that's what Motoko  
assumed the reason was. I wasn't that he just wanted to be close to her  
or anything, not that she minded the attention much.  
  
Or maybe it was that he liked being close to her. Some of her old  
confidence had returned after the letter and even more as they practiced  
that night. While a wife in her family wasn't required to carry on the  
family school, neither was she forbidden if her husband was also willing  
to take on that responsibility. Her own mother had taught the basics to  
the youngest students, herself and her sister included, for years.  
Doing so freed up her father to do the more in-depth training that the  
elder students required.  
  
Whatever ended up happening, she was sure that Keitaro would not prove a  
too bad match of a match. Marriage wasn't always about love, and  
traditionally that was even truer. For a while, she had thought that  
her life was over, but common sense eventually won through. She started  
to remember all of those times that the two of them had grown close and  
realized that, just maybe, she could fall for him. He certainly wasn't  
a bad kisser. She blushed at the thought of her earlier forwardness,  
but smiled a little at the same time.  
  
The sun finished setting just as they entered the Hinatasou and Motoko  
helped Keitaro to the men's bath, though she didn't go in. The hot  
springs were deserted and she wanted to have a soak of her own before  
bedtime, the hot water further serving to wipe away the horrible day  
before and the lukewarm ending to this one. She wasn't ready to share a  
bath with her husband. At least, not yet.  
  
***  
  
Keitaro sighed as he washed himself. He was sore all over, though his  
broken leg didn't ache any more than it had that morning. Motoko was a  
good teacher, and quick to adjust for his injury. Having choices seemed  
to make Motoko alive again. She was still greatly changed from a week  
before, but now he wasn't so sure it was for the worst. She'd thrown  
off the "humble wife" act and gone back to at least a semblance of her  
old personality.  
  
Somewhere in the transition, though, she had forgotten to be ashamed of  
the fact that she was a woman. She was so much softer, so much more  
feminine... He sighed again, though this time there was a smile on his  
face as he did so. Whatever he had feared the night before, today  
certainly hadn't turned out a complete disaster. Aside from Naru and  
Shinobu, everyone else just sort of took it all in stride.  
  
He laughed as he realized how well off he had it. He was the owner and  
manager of a girl's dormitory, which made just enough money to cover  
repairs and keep him fed and offered a place where he could live for  
free. He was married to a beautiful woman who didn't seem to mind,  
well, not much anyway. Best of all, of course, he had reached his  
lifelong dream of becoming a student at Toudai.  
  
There were black patches, of course, the broken leg and Naru's confusing  
behavior being near the top of the list, but all in all, life was pretty  
good.  
  
After about a half hour of cleaning and soaking of various limbs,  
Keitaro hobbled back to his room, only a little upset that he couldn't  
have a full bath because of the cast. He laughed softly to himself.  
//Maybe when the cast comes off, Motoko and I can really take a bath  
together...// Surprisingly enough, even this thought did not cause his  
nose to bleed. Apparently, being married gave a man some protection  
from such embarrassment.  
  
Returning to his room, he found, with only a little surprise, that two  
futons were laid out, side by side. Of course, he remembered, Motoko  
was still insisting on living in one set of rooms together. She had  
declared that doing otherwise would violate the spirit of her  
"punishment", something she was keen to avoid, consider the provisional  
return of her training privileges. He had a feeling that she would  
still obey any order he gave her, if he insisted, but he wasn't sure  
what she'd do if Tsuruko countermanded it. Of course, it was possible  
she had ulterior motives at stake, but he doubted it.  
  
Since it was late, he went ahead and laid down on the futon closer to  
the door. He didn't really have a "side" of the room, but the only  
other time he'd slept with other girls in the room, aside from the night  
before, it was the one he'd taken. He had just settled in when the door  
slid open again and soft footsteps came into the room, followed by the  
closing of the door.  
  
It was dark, but he could just make out the outline of a female form  
which slipped around him and into the rest of the room. He didn't roll  
over to watch the form, but the rustling of cloth indicated clothing was  
being changed. Shortly thereafter, the other figure settled onto the  
other bed.  
  
"Motoko?" he asked, almost tentatively.  
  
"Yes, Keitaro?" Her voice was soft and just a little bit drowsy, though  
it quite warm, as well. She hadn't spoke to him that way more than a  
handful of times since they had met, when he thought about it.  
  
"Did... did I show any promise tonight?" he asked, thinking about the  
practice they had been doing earlier in the evening. "Do you think I  
can learn enough to best your sister?"  
  
There was silence for a few moments. "I think there is some potential  
in you. I believe you will do fine." Her tone was confident, and he  
didn't think to ask what type of potential she was talking about until  
she was already fast asleep.  
  
END  
  
Author's notes: Hmm... There were some hard decisions in this story.  
The letter/package thing I'd wanted to do all along, but it changed a  
lot since its initial concept. The timing of it was also a big deal. I  
kind of copped out and didn't let the angsty part of the story go on any  
longer than it needed to, but I don't like to write angst so much.  
There are also the reactions of the other Hinatasou residents to  
consider. While it might have been fun to have them react to angsty  
Motoko, I think this would just end with Keitaro coming off as a villain  
for many of them, which isn't a bad theme, but it wasn't what I was  
going for.  
  
As for character reactions... well, this is a relatively long fic so I  
can write longer notes. I'll go over it character by character with a  
few general subjects thrown in.  
  
Keitaro: He hasn't put up much of a fight on anything that's been  
thrown at him. Why? Well, it's complicated. After two months of  
avoidance, he was starting to doubt that Naru returned his feelings, and  
maybe his own feelings started to fade somewhat. By the volume of the  
manga where I diverge he actively wonders about whether or not he would  
be happy with Motoko instead of Naru at least twice. It doesn't take  
much in the way of plot to make him take that chance (particularly since  
they're already married).  
  
Motoko: Motoko is, at the same time, both OOC and IC. The manga  
version of her would never do or say most of what's going on in this fic  
and the prequel, but the manga Motoko also didn't loose the fight in  
chapter 74. She had everything she ever dreamed of taken away from her  
and found herself forced to marry at a young age to a man she didn't  
hate, but didn't necessarily love, either (I understand this changes in  
later volumes of the manga, but it hadn't happened by volume 9, so it  
didn't happen in the story). She might have felt some "like" in the  
teenage sense (which only makes sense... she is a teenager) for him and  
might even have dated him if he'd been interested and asked (circa  
chapter 72). What happened to her, though, was traumatic, and robbed  
her of her very identity (that of a swordswoman). She coped by  
attempting to redefine herself into another role. She tried to become a  
"perfect wife" for Keitaro and when she initially failed to complete  
part of that, she felt that she had failed again and wanted to die.  
  
To a large extent, Motoko's character is always a struggle between being  
a warrior and being a woman. At the start of the manga, she wants to be  
one to the exclusion of the other, and while she makes some tentative  
steps toward being a little of a woman in addition to being a warrior,  
having the one she knows stripped from her (the warrior aspect) and  
replaced with only the woman aspect is difficult and leads to the role  
she tries to play. This explains why she wants to die, since she had  
defined life as two roles, and believes herself a failure at both.  
  
Now, she's somewhere in between. She has a role again, but she is much  
more balanced between woman and warrior. And it's possible that she's  
discovered some feelings for Keitaro that she was keeping hidden from  
herself.  
  
Naru: Naru is complicated. Right now, she is upset and can't do  
anything about it. She has to be blaming herself as much as Keitaro for  
letting this situation arise. My feel from the manga is that Naru has  
three reactions to a turn of events she doesn't like. 1) She hits it.  
2) She runs from it. 3) She "kills with kindness", which is really  
sarcasm. Option 1 doesn't really apply here, which leaves us with 2 and  
3. Some people thought in the first part that she should have stormed  
out, but in this instance, I believe she is convinced it's all a huge  
mistake that will come crashing down on Keitaro. So she's adopted  
option 3, instead.  
  
Shinobu: Poor Shinobu. There's not a whole lot I can do for her in  
this fic. She tends to run away from things she doesn't like, but she  
has nowhere to run to. She will get over it in time and come to terms  
with the marriage, but it won't be easy.  
  
Su: Su is Su. She doesn't have romantic interests in Keitaro, and even  
if she did, she'd probably just try to convince him to engage in  
polygamy.  
  
Kitsune: I don't know if I wrote Kitsune as very IC or very OOC. She's  
both one of the most mature and most immature characters in the manga,  
and she puts forth the notion that she would take Keitaro for her own,  
if he wanted. She is also quite possibly Keitaro's best friend during  
the period where Naru won't talk to him in Volume 9. After looking her  
character over carefully, I understand why Keitaro + Kitsune is a  
relatively common pairing in fanfiction. In either case, she's very  
adult when it comes to relationships and wouldn't be any less of a  
friend to him if he were dating/married to someone else.  
  
Sarah: Sarah is Sarah (much like Su is Su). She has no romantic  
interest in Keitaro, and I don't know her character well enough write  
it, so she fades into the background a lot. Which she does in the  
manga, too, so that's okay.  
  
Japanese Marriage: I've tried fairly hard to get the various aspects of  
Japanese marriage right. If I've made a mistake somewhere along the  
line, please let me know, I'm always interested in learning more. If  
you have any good websites on the subject or firsthand knowledge, that'd  
be great.  
  
Tsuruko's marriage: It's been pointed out to me that Keitaro's family  
has a business that they want him to continue as well. In the original  
version of the fic, Tsuruko's deal was for Keitaro to give up his family  
name and join the Aoyama, but doing so would lead to him shirking his  
own familial obligations and probably he would give back the Hinatasou  
as well. In this version the bargain is simpler. By becoming a master  
of the school and agreeing to have his second-born (or possibly first  
born if it is female, since the Urashima probably care about that but  
the Aoyama definitely don't) carry on the school, it seems a little bit  
neater. This also makes Motoko into Uruashima Motoko. Why doesn't  
Tsuruko simply do the same thing for her child and take the school that  
way? Good question... and one I'm considering the possible answers to.  
Most likely, through some unfortunate circumstances, she is barren,  
making it impossible.  
  
Continuation: Maybe... We'll see. I was trying to write a "one week  
later" fic, but it isn't going well. I might back up to the second day  
and write from there again. We'll see.  
  
Thanks for reading:  
  
Tim Williams  
ffml_tim@yahoo.com  
fireangel37@yahoo.com  



	2. The Second Day

Revisionist note: Tsuruko's offer was changed in the last chapter.  
See the revised version of TTLAaW: The First Day for details. In short,  
Keitaro doesn't give up his family name but agrees to have his second  
born child assume the Aoyama name and take over the Shinmeiryuu. If he  
can defeat Tsuruko, that is.  
  
Then To Live As a Woman  
The Second Day  
A Love Hina Fanfic  
Tim Williams (ffml_tim@yahoo.com or fireangel37@yahoo.com)  
  
All characters and settings are copyright Ken Akamatsu, and others.  
Divergence from manga #74 (Volume 9) or anime episode 25. Fairly  
spoiler-ridden if you haven't seen or read that far, but not too badly  
so. This is the second part of TTLAaW and follows TTLAaW: The First  
Day.  
  
+++  
  
Aoyama Motoko's life had changed drastically in the few days following  
her marriage to Urashima Keitaro. //Urashima Motoko,// she silently  
reminded herself. That was one of the more difficult changes for her to  
adjust to. Cleaning the rooms that she shared with her husband was not,  
though, and it was the activity she was currently engaged in. Keitaro  
didn't ask her to clean up, but she did anyway.  
  
The night of the wedding and their first day together had been horrific  
in many ways, and oddly joyous in others. For one thing, it had been a  
pleasant surprise for her to learn that she was not forever exiled from  
her family school, the Shinmeiryuu. The fear of that exile had been  
much of what lead to her attempted suicide on the wedding night, and the  
offer of it the day after. Now, however, the gnawing emptiness inside  
her breast had receded and finally gone dormant, if it had not vanished  
completely.  
  
As long as she proved herself worthy, her daughter would one day inherit  
the school, and she would watch over it until then. The task set her to  
prove herself, however, was an arduous one. She had to train her new  
husband in the way of the blade and, together with him, best her sister  
in honorable combat. Some part of the pride that she had clung to for  
most of her life screamed for her to veritably beat Keitaro into shape  
and defeat her sister on the first attempt, but other parts of her  
wanted to let it go for a few years. //At least, with a standing offer  
like this, I don't have to worry about inheriting the school before I'm  
ready...// she reminded herself.  
  
The night before, she had given Keitaro a lesson in kendo, and, while he  
wasn't completely hopeless, he wasn't taking to it like a fish to water,  
either. It was going to take a lot of time and effort to make him into  
a master of the Shinmeiryuu, but that suited her well enough. After  
all, she could not teach him to be better than she was herself, and it  
would be years before she felt herself a true master.  
  
As she worked, she couldn't help but notice that the he smell of him  
lingered in the room, though she did her best to ignore it. As much as  
she hated to admit it, she had become increasingly attracted to him over  
the last few days, but that did not mean she had to like it. She sighed  
softly, continuing to work. He hadn't done anything she expected and  
quite a few things that she hadn't. Saving her from herself had  
certainly been among his more stellar moments, in her eyes. She had  
fully expected him to prove as big a pervert as she had always accused  
him of being and make her into a lust object within moments of returning  
from the wedding. To her surprise he hadn't touched her, even when she  
was naked and pressing... the thought brought a blush to her cheeks and  
she shook it off before it went any farther.  
  
She had certainly misjudged him before, but now she was in a situation  
when they had no choice but to do what a man and a woman naturally did  
together. After all, was she not already making plans for the life of  
their second child? She blushed at the thought. Though she was  
certainly in complete control of just about every facet of her  
personality, she was certainly not in control of her libido, which she  
was finding had more and more of a mind of its own. For some reason, it  
rather liked it when she had no control over matters, and this was  
certainly prime ground for that. She shook her head slightly, clearing  
out the salacious thoughts. //Kitsune would have a field day if she  
knew...//  
  
Her iron control, however, was enough to keep such thoughts internal and  
any impulses well in check. Even if her pulse did quicken... She  
stifled those ruminations as well. It was far too early in the morning  
to be thinking of things that should be happening at night, in the dark.  
On the futons she had just rolled up and placed right over... She  
almost growled as she cut that train of thought short as well, though  
she couldn't deny a certain tingly feeling creeping over her at the  
prospect.  
  
Considerations about nocturnal antics were pushed aside as she uncovered  
something among her things which reminded of her other reasons for  
wanting to take her time with the training. It had been over a week  
since she attended school, and she wasn't even sure if she was going to  
go back. She certainly wanted to. If she had bested her sister, she  
would have asked permission to attempt admission to Toudai, but now...  
She still needed permission, but from someone else. She reread the  
label on the book in her hands and sighed.  
  
When Keitaro spoke over her shoulder, she almost jumped out of her skin,  
"What do you have there, Motoko?" She tried to hide the book as quickly  
as possible, but it had been too late. "Oh, you're registered at the  
same juku I attended. What University are you shooting for?"  
  
She blushed and stammered, "I... n-nothing..." However, as much as she  
wanted to feel embarrassed, Keitaro was not looking at her accusingly  
but, rather, like he honestly wanted to know. She steeled her nerves  
and just went ahead and said it. "I... I wanted to try for Toudai."  
  
Keitaro smiled broadly and laughed, though it was warm and not mocking.  
"That's great!" he said with honest enthusiasm. He leaned his crutches  
against the wall and sank down beside her. How he had managed to sneak  
up behind her, on crutches no less, was a mystery to her, but it  
probably had a lot to do with her distraction.  
  
"Does that mean you're going to school today? I was starting to get a  
little worried that you were quitting..." he trailed off.  
  
Motoko bit the inside of her lip gently, "I... Now that I am your wife,  
I didn't know if you would allow..." she trailed off as he placed a hand  
gently on her shoulder. //Stupid, of course he would allow it. He's  
too nice to demand I stay home.//  
  
"Motoko, I want you to do what will make you happy." For a moment he  
seemed as though he were going to stop there, but after a brief  
hesitation, he continued. "Besides, your intelligence and strength are  
some of the things I like about you..." he did trail off this time,  
blushing slightly, and it didn't take a look in the mirror for Motoko to  
know that she was blushing at the statement as well.  
  
Married or not, they were both forging into new ground. Even a  
statement of "like" was almost a scandalous declaration.  
  
"I know it's Saturday, but doesn't your high school start in an hour?"  
he asked in an attempt to change the subject. Motoko blinked, realizing  
that she'd lost track of the time while cleaning and hurried to get  
ready. Facing her classmates after what had happened would be rough, at  
best, but a warrior did not back down from such challenges.  
  
***  
  
Some time later, Kitsune literally crawled into Keitaro's room. He  
could understand why she was crawling, given the amount of screaming  
that had come from her room the night before. Seeing her, he climbed  
back to his feet and retrieved his crutch so he could hobble over and  
help her with the door.  
  
"Kei... Keitaro?" she asked, looking up at him and appearing quite  
battered.  
  
Keitaro took a deep breath and tried to keep from grinning. She had  
once allowed him to fall prey to Kaolla Su's nighttime activities  
without warning him, so this seemed almost a karmic turn of events.  
"Kitsune..." he trailed off as he tried to think of a way to put it  
gently. Failing that, he took half a step back and let loose with  
honesty, "You look like hell."  
  
Kitsune rolled onto her back, staring vacantly at the ceiling. "Ain't  
my fault..." she grumbled, "Your wife was the one that threw out all of  
my sake..."  
  
Keitaro blinked and realized what was really wrong with her. It was  
almost laughable, but she might not think so. "Ohhh, I get it. You're  
sober."  
  
She almost growled at him, but put her arm over her eyes instead. "So  
what if I am?"  
  
Keitaro reflected that Kitsune had become quite a professional drinker.  
While she didn't get drunk too terribly often, she certainly stayed at  
least two cups from sober if she could at all help it. That, combined  
with the thrashing she had taken the night before, had probably been  
more than she could handle. "Haruka-obasan has sake at the tea house...  
here, let me help you up."  
  
***  
  
Motoko was, indeed, late by the time she limped in to school. Her leg  
injury from the final battle with her sister made the last leg of the  
journey quite difficult, at best. She hadn't realized when she was  
franticly getting ready, but she had snatched up Hina and stuffed it  
into her sword bag before leaving. She didn't notice until she was so  
far gone that returning it would have been a major detour. It was  
heavier than Shisui had been, and its presence only reminded her of the  
blade she had lost.  
  
//I should not be carrying this blade... it is not mine.// She hobbled  
to the principal's office at the direction of her teacher. //Or is  
it?// The principal asked her a series of questions about where she had  
been for the last week, but with her explanation he congratulated her on  
her happy union. //I sealed it... but it is the property of the  
Urashima family.//  
  
She apologized for her absence, but because of the family issues and her  
otherwise stellar record, there was no penalty for it outside of her  
need to catch up. She gained a lot of odd glances from fellow students  
as she settled in after returning to class. //Shisui...//  
  
The rest of the morning passed in a blur, but soon Motoko found herself  
at kendo club. She was distracted, of course, and the different blade  
certainly drew stares from those that saw it. Hina was, if nothing  
else, a beautiful work of steel, though it also looked almost  
malevolent. She didn't want to talk about it and was relieved that no  
one asked.  
  
Finally, she found herself back at the Hinatasou, the sun already having  
sank below the trees above, though it was still a while from the  
horizon. She would still need to attend her juku before the night was  
out, but for now she had a couple of hours to unwind. //The hot springs  
are made for times like these,// she reminded herself.  
  
Not seeing anyone in the common areas, Motoko crept to Keitaro's room.  
//My room,// she silently added. She was slowly growing accustomed to  
sharing things with him, and almost growing to like it. Two days seemed  
so short a time, but it also seemed like an eternity.  
  
***  
  
Motoko settled into the steamy water, sighing heavily. Her body ached  
all over, and not just from the two day old battle injuries. She had  
been forced to rush from place to place and had felt off center all day.  
She didn't even remember a third of what she had done or said throughout  
the day. //What's wrong with me? I'm so... unbalanced.//  
  
However, she suspected what was actually happening. Today had been her  
first day back at school since the wedding, and she was a different  
person than she had been the last time she was there. Whatever changes  
had occurred, they had been in her and not in her surroundings, but she  
hadn't quite figured out how to reintegrate herself back into the world  
she had once known her precise station in.  
  
Relaxing in the hot springs made things seem better at that moment, but  
she knew that nothing would have changed when she got out. //These are  
the things that have made me soft...// she wanted to scream, but knew  
that it was no good. She had found a strength in this place, and these  
surroundings. The path of the warrior required dedication, she had  
learned, but the surroundings were irrelevant.  
  
She stretched and tried to work out the worst knots of tension. Her  
first two days as a married woman had certainly not played out as she  
had expected. Of course, she had never actually expected to be married,  
so that made her expectations a suspect, at best.  
  
She stayed wrapped in her thoughts for a while, but the sound of someone  
entering the bathing area brought her back to attention. She fumbled  
for her blade, but she had left Hina back in their rooms, and came up  
empty. If it were Keitaro, husband or not, she was going to smash him  
one. //Or you could just-// she cut off the thought before it began and  
frowned. //When did I become such a pervert?// she asked herself, but  
had no answer.  
  
The form resolved itself into Kitsune as she slid into the water. "Hey,  
Motoko, relaxing?" she greeted as she noticed Motoko on the other side  
of the bath. "Got to go to your juku later tonight?"  
  
Motoko gave her a quizzical look, but didn't ask how she'd known about  
that. "Yes, I have a bit of a break and thought I would relax."  
  
Kitsune settled back in the water of the hot spring sighing contentedly.  
After a few seconds she nodded to Motoko, "I know what you mean... it's  
certainly been a long day."  
  
After a while, Kitsune slid closer to Motoko, a sly look on her face.  
Motoko didn't retreat, though she was fairly certain that whatever the  
other woman had decided to do or say, she wouldn't appreciate it.  
Kitsune settled in near her and stared at her for a few minutes, as  
though studying her.  
  
Eventually, Motoko began to get embarrassed at the inspection.  
"Kitsune... what do you want?"  
  
Kitsune laughed, "Oh don't mind me, I'm just trying to see if you've got  
the look."  
  
Dreading an explanation but still oddly curious, Motoko couldn't help  
herself from asking, "The look?"  
  
"You know, the look of a woman who has become a woman," Kitsune said,  
winking. "So, have you and Keitaro... you know..."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," she protested, but from the  
blush creeping across her face, it was clear that she did.  
  
"Keitaro's too much of a gentleman to talk about it, but he's been  
awfully cheerful today. Last night... did you make him a man?" Kitsune  
asked, that same sly smile creeping across her face.  
  
Motoko was definitely blushing. "I... no... we haven't..."  
  
Kitsune nodded, her smile becoming wistful. "Oh, well, then." She  
sighed and stretched, relaxing with several loud pops of her back. "I  
guess I'll just have to find someone else to live vicariously through."  
  
For a few long moments, silence reigned. Then, Motoko finally asked a  
question which had been bugging her for a while. "If we... were to  
decide to do... that... umm..." she tried desperately to phrase her  
question, "how, exactly... you know... does it work?"  
  
Kitsune laughed, but realized from the look on Motoko's face that she  
was serious. She'd certainly figured that Motoko's knowledge of men  
wasn't encyclopedic, but not to know something so elementary was  
unexpected. "Well, it's... well... complicated."  
  
After a while, Kitsune explained the basics with as few hand gestures as  
possible. Which is to say quite a few, considering her definition of  
the basics was far more than Motoko really needed to know. Motoko's  
face could not have possible gotten redder by the time it was all over.  
  
***  
  
Keitaro, relaxing in the men's bath as best he could, heard female  
voices drifting up from the hot spring below. He didn't try to listen  
in, but it was hard not to, particularly when he realized his wife was  
one of the two talking. This, in and of itself, wasn't very surprising.  
Motoko had filled him in on her schedule, and it was certainly about the  
right time for her late afternoon break. Kitsune's voice was also not  
out of place, considering he had parted ways with her just ten minutes  
before.  
  
They had spent the most of the day seeing to the shopping and less than  
physical chores. Kitsune was more than happy to come along, though any  
kind of real work made her break out in hives. She did help, in the  
end, but it was only to ensure the safety of the sake.  
  
Now, however, she was conversing with his wife about a topic that very  
nearly gave him a nose bleed. //Does this mean Motoko wants to...// he  
wondered with wide eyes. He craned his head forward but didn't dare go  
to the railing for a better listening position. The inevitable fall  
would have set his leg back a good deal in healing time.  
  
Instead, he concentrated on getting really clean, just in case.  
  
***  
  
Two days didn't seem enough time, Keitaro kept telling himself. Letting  
it go longer didn't seem like a good option, but neither did doing it  
now. He just wanted as much of his life back to normal as possible.  
  
He sighed deeply as he stood before the closed doorway, leaning heavily  
on his crutches. //Best to get it over with. Let her know I'm still a  
friend.//  
  
He knocked, but there was no answer. After a few moments, he cautiously  
peeked inside, but the room was empty. Sighing he closed the door and  
hobbled away down the hall. He would still have to talk to her, but for  
now, at least, it could wait.  
  
***  
  
Though it was dark by the time she got home, Motoko still knew that  
there was much more to be done before bed. She grabbed a scant meal of  
leftovers from the kitchen and found her husband in his rooms, studying.  
He didn't see her as she came in, and she took a moment to watch him,  
smiling faintly.  
  
The conversation with Kitsune earlier had left her a little bit  
frightened by the male sex in general, in a way she hadn't been even as  
a child. But the thought of doing some stuff, like the kissing, didn't  
seem very scary.  
  
He realized that she was there at approximately that point, and she  
quickly hid her smile. The soak in the hot spring had done wonders for  
her injured leg, and she barely even limped as she crossed the room to  
sit adjacent to him at the table.  
  
"Ah, I didn't hear you come in," he said with a sheepish smile.  
"Welcome home."  
  
She smiled back at him much the same way. "Are you ready for a lesson?  
We can cover the basics of meditation before bedtime, I believe. It is  
a wonderful relaxation tool."  
  
For some reason, Keitaro gulped before answering, "Sure, just let me put  
this stuff away." He did so and the table was moved aside. Slowly and  
carefully, she instructed him in how to breath and how to sit, something  
made complicated by his broken leg.  
  
Eventually, he seemed to have the basic ideas down and Motoko decided he  
had progressed enough for one day. They prepared for bed, and soon the  
lights were out.  
  
In the darkness, Motoko could hear her husband breath and knew that he  
was still awake as well. She was too frightened to sleep, and his  
wakefulness only made her heart race faster. //What am I thinking?  
He's not been a pervert for a whole two days, why would he start  
today?//  
  
She relaxed a little bit at the thought, but some part of her seemed  
disappointed. She was still terrified of some of the things Kitsune had  
been talking about, particularly the one involving the policeman's  
uniform and the whipped cream, but the basics seemed almost tantalizing.  
It was with a little bit of surprise that she realized she was actually  
turned on. It certainly wasn't a sensation she was accustomed to, but  
she knew her body well enough to recognize the signs. //Is it his  
scent?// she wondered, inhaling deeply. Keitaro didn't have an overly  
manly scent, but it wasn't feminine, either. Her mind slowly went  
through the possible sources of her arousal, but she hadn't progressed  
much farther than the sound of his breathing when he shifted to face her  
in the darkness.  
  
Enough light existed for her to distinguish his eyes from the hazy  
outline of his head, but nothing more than that. "Motoko... are you  
asleep?" he asked softly.  
  
"N-no, Keitaro..." she could feel her tongue grow thicker as she spoke,  
in an apparent attempt to silence her.  
  
"I... I just want to thank you. You've been very patient with me... you  
know and my leg and all."  
  
She gulped, excessively aware of the warmth of his breath as he spoke.  
"T-thank you..."  
  
For a few long seconds there was silence in the room. //Why am I so  
nervous?// she asked herself. //I've already agreed to bear his  
children... so why don't we just... you know...// She couldn't bring  
herself to delve into the details, even in a thought.  
  
Tentatively, she reached out one hand and fumbled for a moment before  
she placed it on his chest. Keitaro stiffened a little in surprise, but  
didn't try to stop her. After a few seconds, one of his hands came up  
to rest lightly on the other side of hers. //I can almost feel his  
heart beat... it's nice...//  
  
//Why doesn't he just kiss me?// she wondered, but her brain was several  
seconds behind  
the rest of her body and she realized that he was. Shortly after she  
had made the first move, he had moved toward her and pressed his lips  
against hers.  
  
At first, she almost reflexively tried to push him away, but when he  
retreated a little in apparent fear that he had over stepped their  
boundaries, she pursued him, kissing him back almost hungrily.  
  
From that point on, it was almost as if Motoko were two people. One was  
busy kissing Keitaro while the other watched in stunned silence. The  
watching part managed to exert enough control to make sure things stayed  
strictly clothes on and above the waist, but that was all she could  
manage. Keitaro, for his part, seemed perfectly content to keep it that  
way, and they continued their make out session for a while before the  
fatigue of the day finally settled in over them.  
  
They fell asleep, Motoko curled up in the crook of Keitaro's arm, though  
much of the night had already been spent.  
  
END  
  
Author's Notes: This fic is, as much as anything else, an exercise in  
writing things I normally don't write. Right now, the biggest problem  
this fic is facing is a lack of proper conflict. I'm trying to decide  
what kind of conflict I can introduce and also desperately trying to  
talk myself out of doing a certain romantic entanglement side story.  
  
Ideas? Suggestions? C & C? Email me at fireangel37@yahoo.com or  
ffml_tim@yahoo.com. Notes of any sort welcome! 


	3. The Second Day: Other Viewpoints

Then To Live As a Woman  
The Second Day: Other Viewpoints  
A Love Hina Fanfic  
Tim Williams (ffml_tim@yahoo.com or fireangel37@yahoo.com)  
  
All characters and settings are copyright Ken Akamatsu, and others.  
Divergence from manga #74 (Volume 9) or anime episode 25. Fairly  
spoiler-ridden if you haven't seen or read that far, but not too badly  
so. This part follows TTLAaW: The Second Day and contains viewpoints  
other than Motoko's. Keitaro's views appear in both stories, since his  
roll in the other is relatively minor. This chapter could actually be  
merged with the first part of The Second Day, if so desired, but I'll  
leave it separate for now.  
  
I expect at least some hate mail about this one ;) You will see why.  
  
+++  
  
Outside, the landscape between Tokyo and Kyoto slowly slid past the  
train. Though Naru had taken the trip just the week before, it still  
drew her attention and kept her from having to converse with anyone.  
  
//Why am I doing this?// she wondered for perhaps the tenth time. She  
glanced at her traveling companion and sighed. //She's grown up so  
much... I guess I don't have to watch over her if I don't want to./  
  
Somewhere deep inside, though, she felt that she needed to be on this  
trip for her own sake as well as Shinobu's. Otherwise, she would have  
tried harder to convince the younger girl not to make her "voyage of  
healing". She grinned humorlessly at the thought. //I took one of  
these a bit over a year ago, though that jerk had to follow me...//  
  
Grumbling, she banished thoughts of Keitaro from her mind. Whatever had  
been between them was gone now. It had to be. //If I had only told  
him... but I didn't. And now it's too late.// She grimaced. //Motoko  
seems okay with it, so I have to be okay with it, too.//  
  
The armrest of the seat creaked alarmingly, and she realized she had  
almost ripped it apart, so tightly was she gripping it. She let go and  
shook her hand which decided to cramp after the effort. With some  
effort, she managed to relax a little. //I should be back in Hinata...  
I still have to worry about classes.// She glanced at the other girl.  
//Of course, so does she.//  
  
Naru had been making herself scarce around the Hinatasou ever since the  
wedding. She couldn't really yell at Keitaro for it, since it was her  
own fault as much as his. If she'd declared her feelings, as murky as  
they were, he might not have agreed to play along with Motoko's ruse in  
the first place. Well, probably not. He had a way of getting drawn  
into damaging scenarios through no real fault of his own.  
  
In any case, there was nothing that could be done about it. She had  
known Motoko for years and didn't want to so something to hurt her.  
Motoko hadn't meant to steal "her man" as it were. At least, she didn't  
think it had been her intention. The girl had put on so many different  
personalities in the last few days that Naru was beginning to wonder if  
there hadn't been something between then before the fight, buried deep  
down. Maybe she had subconsciously thrown the fight... //No, not  
Motoko.//  
  
As much as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to pound Keitaro.  
It would certainly make her feel better, but it wasn't her place to  
administer a beating to him anymore. If he needed it, that would fall  
to his wife, and intruding would be rude, if not outright insulting.  
Certainly, she was too upset about the whole ordeal to let it go and act  
like nothing had happened, so that left only a policy of strict  
avoidance.  
  
She could understand exactly what Shinobu was going through, though it  
was probably more like her experience with Seta than her experience with  
Keitaro. In either case, she had known the younger girl's feelings  
almost from the onset. It hadn't stopped her from engaging in the  
bizarre courtship she had shared with Keitaro, but she had known and  
tried to minimize the damage.  
  
Now, however, it was too late to minimize anything. The only thing left  
was cleanup.  
  
At first, she had both thought Keitaro and Motoko would wake up and just  
get the marriage annulled or something, but the day after the wedding  
when she'd come home, Naru had actually seen them smiling at each other.  
That's when she knew that whatever was going on wasn't likely to just  
fix itself. Unless she wanted to actively attempt to break up her  
friends' marriage, she had no choice but to accept it.  
  
Shinobu had realized much the same thing, of course, and had wanted to  
leave the Hinatasou completely and go back live with her parents.  
Knowing that Shinobu's family situation was not something she wanted to  
return to, Naru had finally convinced her to stay, but the girl still  
wanted to get away from the "happy couple" for a while and forget about  
her heartbreak. Well, she didn't say so in so many words, but Naru was  
feeling much the same way and could read between the lines.  
  
Which is why Naru wasn't at all surprised to find Shinobu sneaking out  
of the Hinatasou early Saturday morning with a traveling pack on her  
back. Almost on impulse, Naru convinced her to wait long enough for her  
to gather some of her won things and accompany her. After her last  
travel fiasco, Shinobu seemed more than happy to have someone along for  
the ride, though she was a little surprised that Naru was offering.  
Naru, for her part, wasn't convinced that she was doing something even  
remotely sane, but there seemed little point to staying in Tokyo. She  
certainly hadn't been able to concentrate on her studies the day before,  
and the outlook for the next week didn't seem much better.  
  
//Besides,// she told herself. //I have to watch out for the heart of a  
young maiden.// Some fragment of her mind softly added, //Do you mean  
Shinobu or yourself?// She pushed it aside. Her own heartbreak wasn't  
something she was denying. It just wasn't something she wanted to  
linger on.  
  
At least, she thought it was heartbreak. She hadn't been sure what she  
felt for Keitaro before the wedding and what she felt now was even more  
confusing. On one hand, she had felt a certain thrill when he'd told  
her he loved her, but she didn't want to ruin one of the best  
friendships she had ever had. On the other hand, with the wedding  
fiasco, she wasn't sure if he still felt the way he had claimed, or if  
he had ever felt that way. It was all very confusing.  
  
Sighing, she sat back in her seat. //This is supposed to be a trip of  
healing, not of mopping about and regretting reality.//  
  
She looked at Shinobu and, when the other girl noticed her gaze, gave  
her a friendly smile. Before Keitaro had come to the Hinatasou, the  
girl had looked up to her as something of a big sister, though it was a  
relationship which had faded quite a bit in the intervening time. Naru  
wasn't sure she even resembled the idealistic high school student she'd  
been two years before, and Shinobu definitely didn't act like the meek  
and uncertain child who had first come to the Hinatasou.  
  
They'd found a common bond in family troubles and grown into fast  
friends. Of course, the only "normal" girls living in the Hinatasou  
were her, Naru, and Kitsune. Motoko and Su had been there a while, as  
well, but neither of them really fit the mold of a normal girl. Of  
course, Kitsune had her idiosyncrasies as well, but she was still much  
more normal than the other two girls.  
  
Shinobu returned the smile, though it was clear there was a lot on her  
mind. The two just watched each other for several seconds before  
Shinobu finally broke the silence. "Thank you for coming along. I  
haven't had the best luck with travel in the past."  
  
Naru nodded, having gleaned the details of Shinobu's cross-country tour  
with Su the year before. She offered a reassuring grin. "Me either,  
really... but I was in Kyoto just last week, so I think I remember how  
to get there." She fell silent for a few minutes, but decided now was  
as good a time as any to ask the question which had been bugging her  
since that morning. "Why Kyoto, though?"  
  
"I..." Shinobu trailed off, and spent a moment looking through the  
windows on the far side of the train before answering. "I don't know,  
exactly. Maybe... Maybe we can visit Tsuruko and find out what this is  
all really about. Maybe it's all just some sort of test or  
something..."  
  
Naru shook her head sadly. "We can visit her, but I'm afraid that she  
seemed as serious as Death itself about the marriage. I... I think  
Keitaro went through with the whole thing as much out of fear of her as  
anything else." The why of the whole marriage thing had been weighing  
on her own mind, as well. Motoko did it because of the whole honor  
thing and she could understand that. Keitaro, though... well, he'd  
always valued his word, but that didn't stop him from breaking it on  
occasion. If he really didn't want to do it, then she couldn't come up  
with a reason why he would have.  
  
That only left the obvious conclusion that he didn't not want to do it.  
Or rather, he did want to do it. //Could his feelings really change so  
much in just a couple of months? Did he really mean it in the first  
place?// She grimaced, and Shinobu apparently noticed.  
  
"I... Naru-senpai, I know that you l-like Keitaro," she pause, her face  
showing a blush at the mention of "liking" someone, though she quite  
implied love.  
  
//So innocent... was I ever like that?// Naru wondered, but she knew the  
answer. //Yes, with Seta. Though I don't think he ever even  
noticed...// "Shinobu, I know you like him as well." The younger  
girl's blush deepened visibly at the suggestion. "Which is why we're  
going to be his friends, no matter who he is married to."  
  
It was the decision she had finally reached with herself, and she was  
fairly sure that Shinobu would agree. Naru hadn't gone beyond "friend"  
with Keitaro because she was afraid of messing up their friendship by  
becoming romantically involved. With that not possible, it seemed  
logical that their "friend" relationship would be more secure than ever.  
  
Of course, logic doesn't matter much in the affairs of the human heart  
and with the "danger" of a relationship with Keitaro not so obvious,  
other feelings had surfaced.  
  
***  
  
"Do you really need this many, Kitsune?" Keitaro asked, the basket in  
his arms stacked precariously high with bottles of sake. She'd been  
suspiciously eager to help him with the shopping and now he could see  
why.  
  
"Your wife emptied my entire stash, so it's only fair that you help me  
restock." She added another bottle to the stack and it teetered  
precipitously. "Besides, with Motoko for a wife, you're probably going  
to need it as much as I am."  
  
Keitaro blushed. "She's not so bad..."  
  
//Of course she isn't,// Mitsune thought, bitterly. //Anyone would be  
better than me.//  
  
Kitsune had been amazed at how well Motoko and Keitaro were getting  
along the night before and that morning. She'd been sure they were  
destined for disaster after the first night, but the mysterious package  
the day before seemed to have turned things around.  
  
//He's settling down with her,// she decided. She was happy that they'd  
decided not to make each other miserable, but something about it irked  
her. It hadn't been a month since she'd resigned herself to watching  
Keitaro be in love with someone else, but she had expected that person  
to be and remain Naru. She was used to that. This was... different.  
  
She'd as good as confessed an interest in him a month before, but  
Keitaro was a little on the dense side about such things, it seemed.  
She certainly wasn't going to try to force something that wasn't there,  
and she knew enough to stay out of other people's relationships.  
Meddling had burned her more than once in the past. Better to slip into  
"Kitsune" mode and let her sensitive side sleep for a while.  
  
//Is it crazy to be two people?// she'd always wondered. She was, in a  
very real way, split. Kono Mitsune was her real self, but she'd long  
ago developed another persona behind which to live. Kitsune was selfish  
and lazy, mischievous and sultry. What she wasn't was lonely, which was  
an emotion that Mitsune held a lot of.  
  
Living in Naru's romantic shadow throughout high school had been bad  
enough, but even afterward, it had kept on. Keitaro wasn't the first  
guy she'd liked who had the hots for Naru, but he'd been one of the  
best. While Mitsune might have been pining away for him, though,  
Kitsune was too busy being his friend. //There are other fish in the  
sea,// the fox in her said, and Mitsune did her best to believe her,  
though it was getting a little ridiculous.  
  
Of course, it would help if she ever met available men. Aside from  
Keitaro, who no longer counted, the only guys she'd talked to more than  
once in the last year had been Keitaro's two ronin buddies. //What were  
their names again?// She honestly couldn't remember.  
  
She'd had some hopes for Keitaro. The way Naru had been treating him  
matched her usual "let them wait to be dumped" pattern, but she should  
have known better. She could have had him when he was a ronin, but  
almost the second his life takes a meaningful term, he's not available.  
In any case, he was someone she could talk to, and with him off the  
market, there wasn't much tension there of a sexual nature, which made  
some things easier to talk about.  
  
They finished the shopping and were on the way back to the Hinatasou  
before they really started talking again. "Not all that bad, you say.  
So she... and you..." she said with a sly smile, leaning a bit closer to  
him. Keitaro was her friend, but she still enjoyed getting a rise out  
of him.  
  
"Wha... Kitsune!" Keitaro blushed and looked around to make sure that  
they were relatively alone. "N-nothing like that."  
  
She smiled, "Oh, don't worry, I'll have a word with her tonight and see  
why she's holding out on you." Some part of her was thrilled when he  
started sputtering and protesting. Mitsune watched Kitsune work with  
amazement. Her alter-ego was certainly a mistress of chaos when she  
wanted to be.  
  
Keitaro was certainly a virgin. She didn't even need an admission to  
know that. He just carried himself that way. //I should know... I've  
never... done that, either,// Mitsune admitted to herself. Kitsune  
certainly made her seem a "woman of experience" though it was far from  
the truth.  
  
//I'm a sham.// Mitsune accused her self.  
  
Kitsune simply offered her a mental grin grinned and continued her  
gentle ribbing of her traveling companion. //But a sham who knows how  
to enjoy herself.//  
  
***  
  
The train terminal far behind them, Naru and Shinobu wandered the  
streets of Kyoto aimlessly. Ostensibly, they were taking in the sights,  
but the two of them spent most of their time drifting along, locked away  
with their thoughts.  
  
Shinobu was desperately trying to keep from thinking about Keitaro and  
not succeeding. Their first meeting had involved him exposing himself  
to her, lying about who he was, and generally providing most of her  
"firsts" with the male sex. In a lot of ways, he was like her boyfriend  
already, but in others he was like a big brother. She'd hoped that he  
would come to see her as a woman. She'd even been entertaining a dream  
of going to Toudai after him... but it all seemed pointless now.  
  
She hadn't realized how much of her life and self had been built around  
him until he was gone from her. Well, he wasn't gone, really. She  
could still have him as a "big brother", but never as anything more.  
  
Motoko was a lot like a big sister to her, even more than Naru, and she  
couldn't bring herself to get between them. Naru had lost something of  
her saintliness since Keitaro had arrived and become a rival as much as  
anything else, but Motoko had always remained aloof from that. Which is  
why it stung so much that she had been the one to "win".  
  
There was more than just that behind her flight from the Hinatasou,  
though. Su's method of comforting her had left her a little more than  
shaken, and considerably more confused than upset. What had happened  
had been... enjoyable, but it certainly wasn't what she had envisioned  
for her first time. For that matter, it wasn't something she'd ever  
thought she would ever try. Ever.  
  
It had happened, though, and she hadn't fought to stop it. She'd been  
upset, and it certainly helped to put things into perspective. If her  
intentions hadn't been so noble, Shinobu would have felt violated, but  
for some reason she didn't. Not for the first time, she wondered  
exactly what country her friend was from.  
  
"Shinobu?" Naru asked her, apparently having said something else she  
missed.  
  
"Sorry..." She traced back over what had been said to her and thought  
she had it. "Yes, beefbowl is fine."  
  
Neither of them had a positive flow of funds, and travel was expensive.  
They weren't here for the cuisine, anyway. They were here to buy  
themselves time to think about everything that had happened and come to  
terms with it. Shinobu was finding that she had more things to come to  
terms with than she'd thought.  
  
***  
  
Keitaro sighed as he finished putting away the shopping. Kitsune was a  
good friend to talk to, but she wasn't much for helping out with chores.  
Unless part of those chores entailed him purchasing a large amount of  
sake for her consumption.  
  
Not that he could necessarily complain. He'd drank his fair share of  
her stash over the last few days. Married life was harder than it  
looked, particularly when it entailed so many other adjustments. And  
she was a great help to him, even if it were only moral support.  
  
A glance at the time showed that there was still plenty of time to have  
a drink before anyone came drifting home. He would likely need to  
prepare dinner for himself, Kitsune, and Suu and a cold meal for Motoko  
since she wouldn't be able to eat till late, most likely. Naru and  
Shinobu had been strangely absent for the last couple of days, though it  
was likely just because they were avoiding him.  
  
He sighed and wandered off to get that drink.  
  
***  
  
The warm waters of the furo were not quite as invigorating as those of a  
hot spring, but Naru hadn't wanted to risk another mixed bath incident  
and hadn't sought out an inn with the capacity. The small inn was  
certainly quaint and inexpensive, which fit their priorities fairly  
well. It was also about half way between Kyoto proper and the mountain  
region that held the Shinmeiryuu dojo.  
  
Shinobu was more than a little aware of Naru's proximity in the smaller  
bath. Her thoughts drifted to the night before, and she blushed far  
deeper than the heat of the bath could account for. She'd never really  
looked at other women in "that way" before, but the knowledge of what  
she'd done and how good it had felt made those thoughts all too easy to  
think.  
  
//At least I'm not pining after Keitaro,// some part of her mind  
offered. She tried to cover herself, almost subconsciously. She'd  
never been embarrassed to be nude in front of another female before,  
either, but that seemed to be something else that had changed. Naru  
hadn't gained any modesty or concern for such exposure, though, and that  
was making it even worse.  
  
"We'll go up into the mountains to find Tsuruko tomorrow, if you still  
want to," Naru was saying.  
  
Shinobu nodded and hoped feverishly that Naru would take her nervousness  
as anxiety over the whole Keitaro affair. "I-I don't know if it'll h-  
help... but we can decide in the morning."  
  
//Someone please explain to me why I spent yesterday morning crying  
about a man and now I can't keep from looking at Naru's breasts...// she  
asked herself. Whatever was going on, she was certain that her  
confusion was only going to get worse.  
  
***  
  
"I think Motoko wants to... you know..."  
  
Keitaro blushed deeply. He'd overheard Kitsune and Motoko talking in  
the hot springs and knew exactly what she was currently referring to.  
"N-no... she... it's too soon..."  
  
Kitsune giggled girlishly. "Too soon? Ye're married now." She gave  
him a wink. "So, do you know what to do?"  
  
Keitaro blushed and nodded nervously. //Mostly... the important  
bits...// Of course, that didn't stop Kitsune from embarrassing him  
further with bits and pieces of advice gleaned from romance novels and  
trashy television dramas.  
  
***  
  
Shinobu rested on the smooth fabric of her futon, all too aware of  
Naru's presence just feet away. //What is happening to me?// she  
wondered. //What if I'm really... you know...// She couldn't even  
bring herself to complete the thought.  
  
She certainly liked Naru, but she'd thought it was as a friend. Had it  
really been as something else she just hadn't recognized? Had she  
really been in love with Keitaro or was she just wanting to BE Keitaro?  
  
//Su...// she thought of the foreign girl and sighed. Of all of the  
complications in her life, Su was as often the source as not. Though Su  
had certainly opened her eyes to something, she wasn't the source of  
this new taboo fixation. //Why not?//  
  
//If I'm thinking about someone else that way... does that mean I've  
always been that way?// She shivered. Fortunately, Su hadn't attached  
any huge emotional import to the act. At least, she didn't think she  
had. Su was like a sister to her, which made the whole thing a bit  
creepy, but apparently Su's definition of what was appropriate for  
family to do for and to each other was vastly different from hers.  
  
The rhythmic breathing coming from the nearby futon did nothing to calm  
her nerves. Finally, she drifted off to a sleep filled with soft, warm  
touching, though there were more feminine curves in the dream than she  
would have expected.  
  
END  
  
Author's notes: Gee, I certainly do a lot of thoughts in these fics.  
Of course, I believe that's because most of the conflict is internal.  
The intention of this chapter is to show a little bit of what's going on  
outside of the Keitaro/Motoko relationship though it is still very much  
the center of the story. The Keitaro/Kitsune bits are thrown in to  
break up the ceaseless narration of the Naru/Shinobu side.  
  
I expect hate mail about this, by the way ;) But that's half the fun in  
writing in odd relationships. 


	4. The Third Day

Revision note: This is a revised version of the document which previously appeared here. This is the "real thing", unlike the placeholder document that previously occupied this space. The former ending is gone and replaced with a considerably longer ending. See the notes at the end for details, discussion, etc.

Then To Live As a Woman  
The Third Day  
A Love Hina Fanfic  
Tim Williams (ffml(underscore)tim(at)yahoo(dot)com)

All characters and settings are copyright Ken Akamatsu, and others. Divergence from manga #74 (Volume 9) or anime episode 25. Fairly spoiler-ridden if you haven't seen or read that far, but not too badly so. This series is the sequel to "To Live Not as a Warrior".

* * *

_Six seventy four,_ she counted to herself, the halves of the leaf fluttering in opposite directions. _Six seventy five._ Another leaf vanished beneath the edge of her blade and sprang away as two where there had been one. _Six seventy six._

On and on it went, the training to make herself a better warrior had gone on for years, with these last few months being the most rewarding, even as they were the most difficult. "Seven hundred," she sighed and took a few seconds to breathe and focus.

"Motoko-sensei." A voice used her name gently, as if to wake her from her reverie. The name was said with confidence and warmth, something which gave her a secret thrill, deep down inside. She'd never thought she would find a male to grow so familiar with or that she was even capable of allowing that growth to occur.

She opened her eyes and looked to the newcomer. He was garbed in kendo robes, similar to her own, though in a stylish black. The blade across his shoulder showed that his intention was probably practice, or, possibly, battle.

"Urashima-san," she said and returned the bow he had given her. "Have you come to test the leaves as well?"

Urashima Keitaro laughed softly, the smile on his face almost distracting her from the tension she could read in his stance. "I have come to test... but not with the leaves."

Motoko sighed and leveled her blade at him. "You have been my student for only six months, but you think to challenge me already." She smiled back at him, silently congratulating herself on teaching him confidence, something she had lacked before. "Then let us see who is worthy to be called 'teacher'."

As the challenged party, Motoko waited patiently for Keitaro's move. He would have to draw his blade and meet her, while she waited with blade in hand. He did so, and, almost too fast to follow, the katana was in his hand and he was on her, steel ringing against steel.

This was no battle of showy blasts and secret maneuvers, but rather one of sheer will and determination and raw skill. Blow after blow was traded and parried and dodged, but for a few moments, it seemed as though neither could gain an advantage. _He has certainly grown more skilled,_ Motoko mused, but then the battle was over.

Motoko looked up, idly wondering how he had managed to send her blade sliding from her grasp and her falling backwards. Even more amazingly, he had caught her before she could fall. Now, he held her in one strong arm, gazing down at her. For a long moment, she was lost in his eyes, but then he spoke.

"Motoko-chan," he said, his breath hot against her face. She blushed, from a combination of the heat, her position, his use of such a familiar name, and his manliness. "You have taught me well, but now it is time I teach you." He leaned in to kiss her.

She blushed, but her eyes narrowed and she gasped out, "Kei-kun" as he moved in to meet her.

Just before their lips could meet, he murmured softly, "Wow, that's pretty good, Motoko. You should be a writer."

Only, it wasn't a murmur, and it didn't come from his lips, Motoko realized with a start and dropped her pencil which clattered away on the tabletop. She looked up and realized that Keitaro had been reading over her shoulder and he had seen what she'd... She blushed fiercely and tried to cover up the study book which had somehow gotten filled with a lurid short story.

_He read that... and now he thinks I want him to teach me..._ Her blush only deepened. A week ago, she would have struck him dead where he stood for intruding, but it was his room, as well, and she couldn't very well kill her husband. Well, not for something this minor, anyway.

They'd been married three whole days, but she still couldn't concentrate on anything of her old life. Even the lessons she gave Keitaro were a challenge to her focus, and school was sliding by murkily. Something would have to change soon or there was little chance she would pass the upcoming center exam.

Seeing her distress, Keitaro offered up the tray he had been using to carry tea. Motoko blushed, though now it was more from the embarrassment that a man on a crutch carrying a tea service had managed to sneak up on her.

He gave her a slightly nervous smile, as though expecting to be assaulted at any moment. "I t-thought you would like some tea... to help you study."

Motoko took a deep breath and nodded. Keitaro placed the tray on the table and started to hobble away, but Motoko stopped him. "Come and sit," she asked, her voice surprisingly soft. "Please," she added when he hesitated a little.

Keitaro looked confused, to say the least, but obediently sank into a sitting position, resting his crutch behind him. For several moments, there was awkward silence as they sat together. Things had been awkward, all around, at the Hinatasou since Shinobu and Naru had vanished, though that was more a symptom of the problem than the problem itself.

Naru being scarce wasn't too surprising, but Shinobu's disappearance had been felt more immediately by the remaining residents. The only sign that it had been planned was a hastily written note in Shinobu's room asking them not to look for her and assuring them she would return in a few days. Keitaro had to assume that Naru was with her, though he couldn't be sure. If it hadn't been for his marriage, he would have taken off after her, broken leg or not.

In any case, no one had any idea where they had vanished to, and aside from traipsing across the country to find them, the only other option was to wait for their return. The building seemed a lot emptier without them around, though it was also a lot quieter which suited Motoko fine. Mostly.

Something else had been weighing on Motoko's mind, as well, though. "Keitaro... I..." She took another sip of her tea to cover the hesitation she felt toward this topic. "I was wondering... you finally passed the Toudai examination so... you are probably the most experienced person in taking it I shall have a chance to meet."

Keitaro laughed nervously. "Well, Mutsumi and Naru did the same thing..."

For some reason, Motoko tensed slightly at the mention of Naru. Heedless of this, she pressed on. "I... I would appreciate it if you would be so kind as to tutor me." For a moment, a vision of her short story returned and the word 'tutor' seemed to acquire all sorts of ettchi connotations.

Keitaro stared at her for a moment, apparently amazed that Motoko was asking for help. "I... of course I will help you, Motoko."

Motoko sagged a little bit in relief. While she was slowly regaining some of her confidence, she was even more afraid of rejection than she had been before this entire ordeal started. _Just as long as he doesn't try to 'teach' me anything other than academics,_ part of her added.

Another part of her mind, one she normally kept on a short leash, added mischievously, _He can teach me all about that later._

* * *

Shinobu's world swam around her as she paused for breath. The long climb up to the temple was farther than she had expected, and the stairs seemed like they would never end. Naru paused with her, and gave the smaller girl a smile of encouragement. Though they had spent half of the morning debating whether or not they were going to visit Tsuruko, they had finally decided to drop in on the woman's remote home.

Whether or not they were going to be able to convince her to change her mind the farce Keitaro and Motoko were engaged in seemed almost irrelevant. Though their hope was slim, they simply had to make the trip to prove to themselves that they'd done everything that they could.

All around them, the beauty of the mountains stretched out and made the outing almost pleasant. The faint calls of birds drifted among the treetops and the clear mountain air was cut with the scent of coniferous trees. The subtle combination of stimuli brought the whole scene into focus that was almost more real than reality itself.

"There's a flat space up a few more meters, let's stop for some lunch," Naru said with the same faint smile on her face.

Shinobu nodded and started climbing again. _The mountain air certainly seems to be agreeing with Naru, _she thought. Personally, she was exhausted since she didn't get much sleep the night before, and what sleep she had gotten had been full of dreams which disturbed her on many levels.

The level area really wasn't far, and there was even a stone bench set to one side which appeared to be there for just such a purpose.

They sat and Shinobu produced a couple of vending machine sandwiches and a thermos of tea from her small backpack. Without a kitchen or much cash, they had to rely on cheap processed foods, which wasn't an ideal situation in the best of times. The stuff was edible, at least, and against the beautiful view, it almost tasted good. _Plus, it keeps me from having to talk to Naru too much,_ Shinobu thought, with her mouth conveniently full.

She cast a sidelong glance at the other girl as they sat and ate. _What is going on?_ she asked herself for the ten thousandth time. This time, just as every other time that question bubbled to the forefront of her thoughts, she had no answer. Her physical attraction for Naru seemed to be growing stronger and stronger as the moments crept by and she didn't understand the why or the how of it. _Is it because she came all of this way to help me get over Keitaro? Am I just 'that way'? _She could feel the blush creeping over her at the thought.

The reverie was shattered as the sandwiches were finished and conversation began again. "So, do you think Tsuruko is going to be any help?" Naru asked, having just finished her sandwich. The words broke Shinobu's train of thought and she shrugged in reply, not having much in the way of an answer. It was true that their official reason for coming up here had to do with Keitaro, after all, but Shinobu had, in a very real way, already given up hope on him.

* * *

Keitaro limped around his room, doing his best to make it look cleaner. Motoko was at her juku, and Kitsune had set out for a meeting concerning her writing job. Su's location was a topic that he didn't even know where to begin thinking about. He only hoped that it wasn't somewhere that was going to lead to him having a heart attack.

Motoko had done a good job of cleaning up, he realized, though she had mostly tidied things. Fortunately for him, he had chosen to get rid of certain risqué periodicals months before. He didn't know how he would have dealt with a girl finding those. _Again,_ he added to himself somewhat bitterly.

Instead, he realized that if he wanted their room to look better, he would need to do some serious, hardcore cleaning out of his shelves. There were many books and notebooks which he had no use for, and he could certainly throw them out or, preferably, sell them off to a used book store. There was one not far from Toudai that he'd spotted on one of his many trips to the university before being accepted, and there might even be a place in Hinata, if he did some searching.

The number of old practice exam booklets on the shelves was truly staggering. In his studying, he had ruined more of them than not, and they tended to not be worth much used, in any case. Some of them he kept for his wife, but most of the rest were either so old or so marked on as to be useless. These went into a pile for later inspection when he would decide if they went into the trash, recycling bin, or into the "for sale" pile.

Soon, he was about a third of the way up the shelf and making good progress. About one in three items was finding its way into the sale pile, and he was clearing up quite a bit of room. It was about then that he turned to place a book on the sale pile and slipped on some loose notebook sheets which had fluttered to the floor. His crutch banged into the shelf and sent it wobbling.

A torrent of papers and exam booklets came raining down on top of him, sending him falling into the stacks he had created and knocking those over as well. The weight of the books pressed him to the floor and kept him there, and the bookcase leaned heavily against the pile, threatening to fall in on it if disturbed too much. He gave a week attempt at getting up, but with his injured leg, it was too much weight. Shifting a few books just let more fall in on top of him, and eventually he simply sighed and laid back.

"Why does my life always have to be so violent," he lamented. One of the practice exams close by had fallen open and something on one of the pages caught his eye. Shifting just enough to reach it, he managed to snag the exam without bringing a further avalanche of papers down on his head and injured leg.

The exam was actually one of the older ones, he realized, and the text that had caught his attention was more of Motoko's neat hand writing. He skimmed it and laughed out loud. "Her breasts rose up to meet his hands as she gasp out, "Kei-kun!""

He had caught a glimpse of the story she had scrawled in her exam booklet earlier, but this one was apparently from before that. Exactly how far before, he couldn't tell, but it looked suspiciously older than their wedding day. He turned back a few pages and was surprised at the length of the work. _I shouldn't be reading this,_ he realized and put the book down.

"Help?" he cried out, wondering if anyone were around. From the clock, he could tell that there was at least another hour before Kitsune would be back and probably longer before Motoko would return.

Sighing, he laid his head back down and settled in to wait. Within five minutes, he'd started reading Motoko's short story again, blushing slightly the whole time.

* * *

The Hinatasou was dark when Kitsune got home. She slipped her shoes off and headed for the stairs, bounding up them two at a time, a mischievous grin plastered across her face. The small paper sack in her hands crinkled as she moved, and every now and then she giggled a little.

The meeting had gone well, of course. She could always charm an editor when she needed to, and he'd even agreed to increase her rate. Normally, she did short articles for various magazines, but this time, she'd tried her hand at "fiction". _Well, not really fiction,_ she reminded herself with a smile.

Why the idea hadn't hit her sooner was a mystery, but ever since Keitaro had arrived at the Hinatasou, the place had been the perfect setting for a serial drama. The editor had even indicated that there was a manga artist interested in it, and the rate for that would be even better than for the stories themselves.

She laughed to herself again as she crept down the hallway to Keitaro's room. _I'm going to be rolling in the dough. And it writes itself!_ The mischievous fox-like grin crept across her face at the thought of the pay check. She'd only presented the editor with the first week of Keitaro's stay at the inn, with the names changed to protect the guilty, of course, but he'd eaten it up.

She rapped softly on the door to Keitaro's room. "Hey, Keitaro, you there?" she asked.

From the other side of the door, Keitaro's startled voice sounded, "Yeah... umm... mind helping me out? I'm stuck."

Kitsune paused with her hand on the door. "Um... shouldn't your wife be helping you out with... you know... sticking?"

"Kitsune! Not like that. I'm trapped!"

"Oh," she mumbled, _Dang it, I was hoping for something interesting._ She opened the door to find Keitaro sprawled under a mound of books and a half turned over bookshelf. "What were you doin' in here?"

"Cleaning. Mind helping me out of this mess?" he asked, his face flushed with embarrassment.

"Sure, sure," she said, and slid closer to his position and lifted the bookcase back into position. _Keitaro can certainly generate disasters, _she thought. With the bookcase up, he was still trapped, but not in danger of true crushing any longer.

With a mischievous grin on her face, she squatted down by his head. "So, what's your freedom worth to you?"

"Kitsune, this isn't the time for blackmail," he grumbled, rolling his eyes as he did so. _Great,_ he realized. _I wish Motoko had come home first._ He blinked, however, at the oddness of that thought. _How much things have changed..._

"I'm just kidding!" she said, raising a hand in a soothing gesture. _It was worth a try, though, _she lamented silently.

A few minutes of digging and moving later, Keitaro was free of the stack of books.

"So," Kitsune started, "How long were you under that?" Her eyes caught something on an open book which was a bit apart from the pile and her eyebrow raised, _That looks like Motoko's handwriting._

"An hour or so," Keitaro said, his attention diverted to checking out his leg to make sure he hadn't damaged it further than it had been to start with. "I thought no one would ever show up."

"Hey, Keitaro, what's this?" she asked, snagging the open exam booklet. "'Keitaro-sama, make me your...'" she read and his face went red.

"Nothing! Don't read that, it's private," he said, blushing and hobbling toward her in order to reclaim the book. She easily evaded him and continued reading.

"'Take me, now! she cried.'" she read in a mockingly breathless voice and laughed as she moved around the room. "Hey, isn't this your wife's handwriting? 'His arms were as hard as steel as he took her to him...'"

Keitaro stumbled and fell, careening into Kitsune as he did so. The book went flying and so did his crutch. Together, they tumbled to the ground with Keitaro on top. With a detached kind of horror, Keitaro realized that the soft, squishy feeling under his hand was, in fact, Kitsune's breast.

Kitsune's face reddened, but she smiled. "So forward! If you're going to be that way, you'd better hurry before," the sound of the door opening seemed to give her pause. "your... wife... gets... home." She laughed nervously and Keitaro closed his eyes tightly.

_It's Motoko. She just walked in to see me on top of Kitsune with my hand on her chest. This is not a good thing,_ he thought, feverishly wishing that it were all a dream. With a start, he realized that he was still grasping breast and threw himself back, opening his eyes.

Motoko was, indeed, standing in the doorway and the look on her face was far from inviting. "Umm... it was... an accident?" he tried to explain, though such explanation never seemed to go far. This time was no different. Even as the words were leaving his mouth, the kendo girl was already moving.

With a ferocious punch, he went sailing out the window and bounced off a tree, falling to the ground with a solid thud.

"Umm... wow, you two seem to be on different terms, today," Kitsune said, edging toward the door. "That really was an accident, you know."

Motoko seemed to have regained her composure after the brief, violent outburst. "Yes. I know," she said very evenly. "My husband has a lot of those type of accidents, it seems."

"Yeah, well... bye." Kitsune scrambled out the door as quickly as she could. _Motoko seems to be more like her old self, I guess. What was up with the romantic writing, though?_

She made it back to her own room and collapsed, rubbing her breast where Keitaro's hand had been grasping it. _She came home too soon. That wasn't half bad,_ she mused as she poured herself a drink.

Not too much later, she stopped drinking and looked around. _Hmm... I wonder where Su is. Haven't seen her at all since yesterday, come to think of it. _She shrugged to herself and poured herself another drink.

* * *

As long as the climb up the stairs had seemed, the climb back down seemed to take even longer. Naru grumbled under her breath about Tsuruko as she walked, more than a little upset at the older woman's lack of concern or help. They'd traveled quite a long distance only to be told that it was none of their business.

It was almost dark by the time they got back to the small inn at the base of the mountains where they'd gotten a room earlier that morning. The place was a distance outside Kyoto, and getting back in the nighttime hours was difficult, at best.

As small as it was, the inn did have an outdoor bath. It was in this that Shinobu soaked as the last rays of sunlight vanished from the sky and the stars came out one by one.

She floated on her back, watching the display of lights. The light from the inn and surrounding village didn't drown out as many stars as a large city would, and the view was quite pleasant. Of course, the Hinatasou had a good view of the stars, too.

Thinking about the Hinatasou brought back memories of Keitaro and Su. She had long felt desire for the former and had experienced the physical act for the first time with the latter. "Am I... you know..." she wondered aloud. The night didn't answer her, and she knew that, deep down inside her, there might be an answer. Though, try as she might, she couldn't understand what that answer might be.

"I still like Keitaro... really... and Naru's nice, too... and Su... well, Su is Su..." She moved her arms and slid through the water freely, almost swimming in the bath with the water sloshing around her. "I just..." she started, but didn't have the words to finish. _I just...want someone to love me, _she thought, internalizing her desires.

Keitaro had been a fixation. Su had been an accident, as much as anything else. She really liked Su, but not quite in that way. Her body's hormones told her that anything feeling that good couldn't be entirely wrong, but she knew that women weren't inherently more desirable than men to her. In the two years since Keitaro moved to the Hinatasou, she'd only had one person interested in her sexually, and that was Su.

She sighed and swam back the other way. _Su thinks of sex the way other people think of shaking hands,_ she realized. Her people apparently didn't place a huge emotional import on sex, and her culture must have decided that love and sex weren't one and the same. _What country IS she from?_

Suddenly, something large and spiky blotted out the stars and Shinobu blinked and thrashed her way to the side just in time to avoid the form falling into the water where she had been. She grabbed for a towel and turned around just in time to get tackled.

In the dim lighting, she barely made out a flash of blond hair and dark skin as the form barreled into her. "Su?" she asked as she was pushed into a seating position against the edge of the tub. The other girl, also naked, was hugging her.

"Hey, Shinobu! Feelin' better?" the other girl asked, apparently finding nothing wrong with her entrance. "Still mopin' about Keitaro?"

"N-no, Su," she gasp out, trying to extract herself from the other girl's grasp. "How'd you get here?" The fact that they were both naked and slipping against each other in an almost erotic manner brought memories rushing back that she had been trying to ignore for the better part two days.

The girl appeared to ignore her question, "Sure you don't need cheerin' up, Shinobu?" she asked, and Shinobu was even more painfully aware of how close the other girl was. "Cuz, I liked cheerin' you up the other day, an' I don't mind doin' it again."

Though it wasn't visible in the darkness, Shinobu's entire body reddened in a blush. _I need to get out of here, or I'm going to do something... weird... _she thought as she tried to gently slip herself out of the other girl's grasp. "W-we can't... Someone'll hear us."

"Awww... Don't be shy. Com'on," Su said, her small hands getting quite playful. "We can have some fun."

"B-but, Naru's here, and we're sharing a room, we can't just, you know..." she said, finally getting an arm free. "Maybe when we get back to Tokyo..." she added in an attempt to get the other girl to let up. She'd trade a frisky Su out in public for a frisky Su in the relative privacy of the Hinatasou any day.

Su tried for another second or two to change her mind with some deft finger motions that made Shinobu wonder exactly where she'd learned them, but Shinobu was resolute. After a few seconds, Su seemed to get another idea. "Naru need cheerin' up? It's real fun with three," she said with a grin.

"N-No, I don't think she'd go for t-that," Shinobu stammered. The thought of having a threesome with Naru didn't repulse her. In fact, she'd spent much of the day trying to decide if she wanted to have a two-way with Naru. However, she didn't think the other girl would enjoy being ambushed by Su's rather forward tactics, if she had any desires at all to try out that kind of love. "Let's just go to bed. You know. To s-sleep. Nothing else."

* * *

"I didn't hit you that hard," Motoko mumbled, as she pressed the cloth against a scrape and applied some balm to it. "Hold still," she said, wrapping a bandage around the wound. Though she didn't show it, Keitaro had the distinct feeling that she was apologizing in her own way.

"You didn't have to hit me at all. I said it was an accident," he said, his lips twisted in a grimace as his wounds were tended to. "You could've hurt my leg."

"You have far too many accidents, Keitaro," she said, placing the last bandage in place firmly, which caused a painful accent to her statement. "I only used my hand."

_That's right,_ he realized. Normally, she would have attempted outright murder on him with live steel. _That was almost a love tap, by comparison. _ "Still, that hurt a lot."

"Then do not have so many accidents," she said, rising and surveying the wreckage of the room. There were still books covering the floor, and several of them appeared to be damaged from the fall. Motoko's exam book with the lurid short story was open on top of the heap. "You really caused quite a mess today..."

"I was trying to clean up," he mumbled sheepishly. "The bookcase fell on top of me and I was trapped till Kitsune came along."

Motoko snagged the exam book from the top of the pile. The rumpled condition of the pages and a few greasy fingerprints made it obvious that someone had been reading it. "Keitaro... You know I l-like you, right?"

Keitaro's mouth fell open in astonishment at the admission. "I... I... I like you, too, Motoko," he replied and she seemed to relax a little.

"I know," she answered. "Or, at least, I think I know. These last few days have been hard, but I guess I have not hated you for a long time. Even... even though you have qualities that I do not like, I think I like you."

She paused for a moment before going on, "I've never said that before. You're the first guy, you know, that I've liked." She turned her head and tilted her torso enough that she could see him. Framed against the full moon out the window, with her hair down she seemed a vision of pure beauty even with the blush spreading across her cheeks. In that moment, he could find no words to express his feelings. "I guess... I am not so good at being a wife."

"M-Motoko," he said, his words coming only with difficulty as he tried to find a way to express some of the emotions surging inside him. "I... You... You will make a good wife."

She turned away to stare at the moon again and sighed. "Keitaro..."

After a long moment, she spoke once more, "Will you help me clean up this mess? I think I would like to go to bed now."

He nodded his assent, "Yes, Motoko."

* * *

In the darkness, Shinobu waited for the breathing from the futon beside her to become rhythmic. She let out a sigh of relief as it did and stared at the ceiling above. Her life had becomes so complicated in the last few days. It had become more complicated than she had ever dreamed possible, and given the last few years, that was quite complicated indeed.

Naru had been surprised to see Su, but she hadn't objected to letting the girl stay the night with them. They were all heading back to the Hinatasou the next morning, in any case. Since there were only two futons, Shinobu and Su had ended up sharing one. Even though Su didn't seem intent on providing a "cheering up" any longer, her proximity still made Shinobu nervous.

_I don't know what's going on,_ she thought. _I like Su... I really do. But I don't want to be with her that way. But... what do I want?_

The light of the full moon streaming into the room highlighted the sleeping form of Naru on the other futon. _Do I want her? s_he wondered. The light of the moon threw her curves into shadow, making her look almost ghostly in the light. _Maybe... but... I don't know._

She hugged the blanket to herself as the temperature dropped slowly, sending the surface of her arms into pebbled gooseflesh. _Maybe I should become a monk. They don't have to worry about this stuff._

As the other girls slept, she found that she had many more questions, but no answers. Before too long, Su began her nighttime acrobatics, which seemed to be designed to alternately maim and molest. Needless to say, Shinobu did not get much sleep.

* * *

Author's notes:

Wow, that's certainly better than the draft version of the fic. About 5k words, which puts it on par with the other chapters of the story so far. In any case, I'm going to take advantage of the long fic to insert some long comments.

_The age of the fic._ This fic was originally started in early 2003, back when I was traveling for work a lot. Oddly enough, I'm picking it back up shortly after another long stint of travel for work (manga travels well on planes, don'tchaknow). I've had a few discussions since I put up the draft of this chapter that have indicated that the plot of this fic is almost cliché. Frankly, that's an honor, because I know for a fact that prior to this fic, it was a relatively original idea. To an extent, it almost feels like I am writing fanfiction about the previous chapters and not about Love Hina. A weird feeling, ne?

In any case, I'm trying to keep the mix of romance, comedy, and action at about the same levels as before. If I swerve too far off of the beaten path, don't be afraid to let me know.

_Shinobu is... gay?_ Well, this element was written a long time ago. I can honestly say that if I were writing the fic from scratch right now, I would not have incorporated it. Is she gay? Is she not gay? Who knows. I'm not going to have a full-blown lesbian-fest anytime soon, though, so don't worry (if that's your worry). Su is not gay, since Su doesn't really place labels on sexuality. Americans and Japanese are both uptight about sex in a lot of ways that "primitive" cultures are not. Thus the way Su is acting.

_What happened to the Negima stuff?_ If you read this chapter of the fic in its original draft (which wasn't available for very long), you'd have seen a Negima crossover at the end. After some reviewer prompting, I realized that this didn't fit the fic very well and I cut it. I may well use the concept (mixed up with other concepts that I've used before) in a future fic, but I'm making no promises. For now, it's on a back burner while I write this fic in a fashion more true to the original chapters. Quite likely, I'll be using elements from a Sailor Moon Fanfic I wrote long, long ago to mix it up and make a coherent story. If you were part of the FFML (fan fiction mailing list) back when I was writing this stuff, you might have seen something called The Rebound Effect: Again that I wrote (back in early 2003, again). It'll be slightly similar to that.

_This is all... filler? _One of the things about this fic, and I definitely remember it being the case with the original, is that the writing seems to make the story more about the journey than the destination. In a very real sense, not much has happened in the last 15,000 words. Those words, however, lay out a journey that I hope you find interesting. Is there a destination? You know, I don't have a good answer to that question...

In any case, if you have any feedback for me, I'd love to hear it. Contact me at the email in my profile or leave a comment.


	5. The Fourth Day

Then To Live As a Woman  
The Fourth Day  
A Love Hina Fanfic  
Tim Williams (ffml(underscore)tim(at)yahoo(dot)com)

All characters and settings are copyright Ken Akamatsu, and others. Divergence from manga #74 (Volume 9) or anime episode 25. Fairly spoiler-ridden if you haven't seen or read that far, but not too badly so. This series is the sequel to "To Live Not as a Warrior".

Note: I'm trying an altered format on this one. I went back to using slashes around thoughts, though I can only do one at a time or they'll get eaten. The italics alone were not doing the job I needed them to do, I don't believe. So now thoughts look like _/thought text/_.I like this because it makes thoughts easily recognizable and lets me use them in a fashion more akin to dialogue.

Note2: I am looking for prereaders. Drop me an email or another way to get in touch with you if you're interested. Don't look to have to do much spell checking, you'll basically need to read my fics and give me feedback on the direction, etc., before I "publish" them. Hopefully, this will cut down on the number of revisions I need to make once work is posted.

* * *

The soft sound of snoring was the only indication that Motoko required to know that Keitaro was still asleep. She was an early riser, and always had been, of course, so this was no surprise. They had spent the night on separate futons, though they were close enough together that they could have touched if they had desired. She rested silently for a while, listening to the rhythmic sounds of her own breathing and that of her husband.

The soft fabric of her bedding caressed her and rustled faintly as she shifted, rolling over to face her husband. The night hadn't been as full of dreams as many others, and she felt more rested than she had in a while. The air in the room felt crisp, almost uncharacteristically so given the normal heat of the daytime, and it made her shiver slightly as her movement exposed more flesh to the cool kiss of the air.

_/How trusting I have become,/_ she chided herself as she looked over at his still sleeping form. In the predawn light, his outline was blurred but her memory filled in the details of his features with little trouble. /_I am not worried by sleeping so close to a man, and Urashima, at that./_

Memories of his incident with Kitsune the night before rose up in her mind, unbidden. She flushed slightly at the memory, though the exact emotions she felt concerning it were a jumbled mess that seemed almost impossible to untangle. /_He is such a clumsy oaf when he is not focused on something./ _

_/Why... why am I so jealous?/ _she asked herself, thinking of the incident and her reaction._ /Why did I react so violently?/_

She thought on her questions for a while, but the darkness and the futon held no answers. Sighing deeply, she rose and prepared to face another day in which she would have to juggle two personalities.

_/I cannot be the swordswoman,/_ she lamented as she slipped from their rooms, clad in clothing suitable for a workout and wearing a bokken across her back in a heavy cotton sling. Her hair had been tied up in a tight ponytail, as well, to keep it out of her way. _/But I also cannot be the wife./_

She worked herself hard, feeling for the limits of her fragile knee. The injury was recovering, but not quite back to normal. She favored it as she ran through sword forms over and over again. The activity seemed to clear her mind and made thoughts flow around her mind instead of through it.

_/I told Keitaro that I like him./_

_/Keitaro said likes me, as well./_

_/If it were not for him.../ _the last thought died as she fought to keep her bokken under control. Her form deteriorated to an amateurish caricature of her normal poise as the thought hit her. Memories tried to flood back, but she fought them off.

_/If it had not been for Keitaro, I would have killed myself. If he had rejected me.../_ Tears welled up in her eyes at the thought and she knew that her suicide attempt hadn't been an idle ploy.

For a long moment, she stood perfectly still, letting the emotions run their course through her mind and body. Only the knowledge that he hadn't rejected her allowed her to push the painful feelings aside. She lifted the bokken in shaking hands and began her form again.

_/He was there./_

_/He did not reject me./_

Slowly, her form grew more and more composed as she reminded herself that things had not been as dark as they could have been. Eventually, the wavering in bokken was more attributable to exhaustion than to emotional turmoil. She stopped her sword work, breathing heavily and covered in a thin sheen of sweat. The sun was rising and the crisp air was beginning to warm, making her exertion all the more taxing.

Finally, before the sun could break the horizon, she wiped her face with one of her sleeves and shook her head, as though freeing it from unpleasant thoughts.

_/I should prepare breakfast,/_ she decided. _/But first, a bath./_

* * *

His leg felt better. Not perfect, of course, but he could already tell that the bone was almost ready for the cast to come off. _/The doctors said one more week, but that was before the whole Tsuruko thing,/ _he thought with a grimace. The workout then and the ones he had been undertaking since were not conductive to a smooth healing process.

It did feel better, though, and the cast itself almost seemed more of a hindrance than the injury itself. His skin had started to itch underneath the hardened shell, and he was eager to have it off. Taking a bath with the cast had been a taxing experience, and he was eager to be able to soak in the hot springs again.

While the cast remained in place, maneuvering it around required at least one crutch, and balance was a delicate issue, at best. He used one of those crutches as he limped down the stairs behind Motoko as she made her way for the door, dressed in her fuku and carrying her textbooks. _/She's still in high school,/_ he reminded himself, though it was hard to remember sometimes because of her inherent maturity. _/That outfit is oddly... sexy./_

At the base of the stairs she turned to watch him half hop, half stumble down the last few of them. "I do not have to attend classes tonight. If you would like to, we can train before dinner." Her voice was soft and cool, though it still lacked some of the confidence it had once possessed. Fortunately, it also lacked the subservience that it had held a few days before.

"Alright," he said with a weak smile. While his leg felt better, he wasn't sure how much training he would be able to survive without further injury. If the last night had shown anything, it was that he still had the ability to invoke Motoko's wrath. "I will see you then."

She turned to leave, her ponytail swinging around behind her like a whip. He felt a sudden need to say something, as though to complete a homey scene in a soap opera. "Have... have a good day."

She stopped short of the door and turned to offer him a weak smile of her own. "I shall try. Be careful, yourself," she added before turning and heading off to make her way to class.

* * *

_/Sake, I need sake./ _Kitsune pulled herself upright and started groping for a bottle. Her head hurt from the night before, and a hair of the dog seemed to be called for. Finally finding a bottle which wasn't empty or filled with vinegar, she poured herself a cup and drank it down.

_/I hit the bottle a bit hard last night,/_ she chided herself. _/After the Motoko and Keitaro show, I kind of needed it, though./_ What limited understanding she had gained of the relationship between the pair seemed to be less than accurate. Or, at least, the relationship between them seemed to be shifting constantly.

_/Poor Keitaro,/_ she thought as the warming feeling of her second cup of sake pushed the hangover down and away. _/Boy shoulda' found himself a nice older woman instead of a violent young one./_

With her throat and brain properly lubricated for another day, she stretched and yawned. She'd had a lot of dreams the night before, though she couldn't recall what any of them had actually been about. She got the bad feeling that remembering them would have been a good thing.

She shook the sleep from her head and basked in the pleasant floating feeling that the sake poured through her being. She checked the time and saw that it was just past ten in the morning which was about as close to a normal wakeup time as she got. With any luck, there would be some leftover breakfast in the kitchen, and if not, she could always make something simple for herself. Well, she could make something that came out of a box, at least.

Still groggy, she got dressed and staggered downstairs, though she stopped short when she realized that Keitaro was in the kitchen. With Shinobu gone, many of the day-to-day tasks had fallen onto his shoulders and, right now, he was cleaning up.

Kitsune hesitated for a moment as she watched him scrubbing pots and pans. Even leaning on a crutch, he seemed somehow stronger than he had even a few weeks before. _/Must be the responsibility,/_ she noted. Watching him caused something to stir deep within her that felt very much like regret or desire.

"Hey, Keitaro, anything left from breakfast?" she asked, breaking her internal monologue before it could take her too far down forbidden paths.

He looked up from his cleaning and gave her a smile. "Yeah, but it's cold," he said with a gesture toward a covered tray. "Help yourself."

As he went back to work, she did, scooping up the tray and retreating from the room in a hurry. _/Why's he so happy this morning,/ _she wondered. _/And, more importantly, why am I blushing?/_ Silently, she resolved to make herself scarce for a little while.

_/When, exactly, did I start living in a soap opera?/ _

* * *

Outside the train window, the scenery of the Kyoto to Tokyo route slide slowly past. The urban sprawl lent a feeling of sameness to much of it, though there was still enough natural beauty to keep Naru watching the countryside for a while. She sighed deeply and rested her head on her hand.

It was Monday morning, and she should have been in class. _/Why did I run to Kyoto?/_ she asked herself. Though she'd given lip service to doing it for Shinobu's sake, it had become clear that she had her own feelings wrapped up in it as well. During their unproductive meeting with Tsuruko, it had been obvious that it was she, rather than Shinobu, that was the more upset.

_/I didn't want things to change between us... that's why I couldn't tell him how I felt. But now.../_ The enormity of it all made her head spin. _/But now, things can never change that way. I mean... I like him, and he's my best friend. But now, he can only ever be my best friend./_

She watched a wooded slope go past and leaned back in her seat. Glancing around, she realized that Su and Shinobu had vanished again. Su's arrival at their room in the inn had been a surprise, though she understood how the younger girl might have been worried about Shinobu. _/I guess they're best friends, too./ _She smiled at the thought. _/Kitsune and I used to be like that. It's nice not having that male-female tension there./_

Thinking of Kitsune made her sigh again. There was a time when they had been the best of friends, though their paths had been widely divergent in the last couple of years. Ever since Kitsune had left high school and taken up the life of a professional loafer and Naru had dedicated her life to study, there had been ended up lowering the intensity of their friendship.

_/When we get back, I think I'm going to try to be Kitsune's friend a little more./ _She decided. For some reason, the thought made her feel a little better. _/And Keitaro, too. He's my friend... if I hadn't been afraid of loosing that, we might have been more, but I guess I got what I wanted./_

She forced herself to smile, though down inside her soul it felt hollow.

* * *

Shinobu pressed her hands against the cool material of the bathroom sink. Her body was still shaking and her hands almost refused to stop trembling. Fumbling, she turned the water on and let the cold water pool into her cupped hands before splashing it onto her face.

Rising slightly, she looked at herself in the mirror. After last night and what had just happened, it was difficult to hide her unease. Su had been so insistent and she hadn't fought against the idea very firmly. Now, she just felt dirty.

The other girl had talked her into a few heated minutes in the bathroom and then vanished to find something to eat, not realizing how much bigger the incident was to Shinobu. For her part, Shinobu could only grip try to wash the feeling away with the ice cold water of the sink and adjust her clothes in an attempt to forget that it had happened.

_/When it happens, I like it,/_ some detached part of her mind reasoned. _/When it's over... then it's not something I want to think about./_ She shuddered as even the thought made her recoil inwardly.

_/Am I really... like that?/_ she wondered again. She'd had a few idle fantasies about Naru the day before, but those seemed silly now. She had been reacting to this whole new set of emotions and problems that Su's behavior had initiated.

_/If I'm not like that... why didn't I tell her no?/_ she asked herself. It was true, she hadn't protested at all. She'd been all for it, after the first probing touches had awoken desire within her body. She slashed some more water on her face and used her wet hands to slick down her hair.

She straightened and pulled her clothing again, trying to straighten her skirt and blouse. She looked like she had been through the wringer, but with a shuddering breath she calmed herself. "I'm not that way. I can't be."

She stumbled back to her seat across from Naru, only to find that the other girl had fallen asleep. Taking that as a good idea, she settled into her own seat and relaxed, waiting for the train ride to be over.

* * *

Keitaro turned a page in the study guide, going over the problems without working them. Motoko had said that she didn't have class that night, which meant he would have a chance to tutor her a little for the Toudai examination. He fully intended to do the best job of it possible, since, even without the promise hanging over their heads, the legend about happiness and Toudai still existed.

He stretched and yawned, putting the book aside for the moment and laying back on the floor. He'd been a ronin for a very long time and when he'd finally gotten to be a student again, it hadn't lasted for very long. Right now, he was stuck with a crutch for at least another week, and after that he would be behind in school at best. _/It almost seems like I shouldn't bother trying./_

A knock on the door caused him to wake from his introspection. Rising, he limped his way over to slide the screen open. He stopped in surprise when he saw that it was Naru.

"Oh," he said, hesitating and not really knowing what to say. "How was... wherever you guys went."

Naru gave him a half smile that took the edge off of his surprise. "We were in Kyoto. Shinobu wanted to go talk to Tsuruko."

A little voice down inside him was disappointed that it wasn't Naru driving the trip. "Oh. Well, I'm glad you're back. Did anything... How is Shinobu?"

"She's doing better, I think. It was all so sudden," Naru said, and paused for a moment, though it was clear she intended to go on. Keitaro watched her and found that he couldn't read her emotions at all from her body language. "She was a little upset, at first, but I think she is deal with it now. Tsuruko is very firm."

He laughed nervously. "Yeah, she is. Umm... look, I'm sorry about all of this."

Her smile changed and he didn't sense a bit of reservation in it. "It's okay, I think." She paused again and he was afraid she was going to say something nasty, but instead, she pressed on normally, "You're my best friend, Keitaro. I... a month ago..."

"You don't have to say anything," he said, not wanting to be reminded of what could have been.

"No, I do. You're my best friend, and I was afraid we'd mess that up with some juvenile relationship. I like you, Keitaro, but as a friend. Now, I don't think we have to worry about loosing that." Her face showed happiness and Keitaro felt an emotion halfway between relief and disappointment.

"I..." A part of him he wanted to shout at her that she should be begging him for his love, but the more mature part of him knew it was stupid to wish for such things. Instead, he offered her a relieved smile, "I'm glad we can be friends."

* * *

Motoko and Keitaro had chosen the yard out in front of the Hinatasou for their exercise and Naru watched them silently from the third floor hallway. _/"I'm glad we can be friends," he said./_

Watching them together was almost painful, she realized. Keitaro was her friend, and that was what she'd wanted, but now she realized that she wanted more than that. _/But I waited, and now it is too late./_

In the yard, they were sitting close to each other, and Motoko was apparently talking him through a meditation technique. They were apparently unaware of her watching, and it made her feel a little weird for doing so. Their movements and body language spoke to an intimacy that hadn't been there when she'd left. The soft way that Motoko touched him as he was getting into a meditative position spoke volumes for the change in their relationship.

_/I didn't know that Motoko could feel that way about a man,/_ she thought, momentarily amazed at the change that had come over the girl. In all of the time that she had known her, Motoko had had never shown interest in a male, but watching the two showed clear proof that they were more than just acquaintances.

She felt momentarily ashamed for pining after Keitaro when she remembered how long she had known Motoko. Even if she had feelings for him, she didn't want to step on a relationship held by one of her friends. If the events had played out differently, she might have done so, but she knew well the aura of command that Tsuruko projected.

_/I'm your friend, Keitaro, even if you did something stupid. I'm going to stay your friend, for all of our sakes,/_ she reminded herself even as tears rolled silently down her cheeks.

* * *

Motoko tapped her pencil against the exam booklet as she thought. She could feel Keitaro's eyes on her, though she didn't think he realized that she knew he was watching. She scrawled a few more numbers into the answer blank and looked up at him. He looked away hurriedly, though he certainly tried to look casual about it. "So... this the differential of x in this one would be three?"

He cleaned closer to her and she got a smell of his scent, which was strong with the smell of soap from the bath he took after training with her outside. The smell distracted her for an instant but his voice brought her back to reality. "No, you have to do this instead," he said, scrawling out a formula for her to consider. "The formula you used is for integrals."

"Oh," she said, and sighed. "I am not very good at math, I fear."

He leaned back and gave her a reassuring smile. "Neither was I. Don't worry, you've got the best teacher that no money can buy for this test. And almost six months before the center exam."

She nodded, though she didn't really feel any more confident in her abilities with numbers than she had a week before. Somehow, having Keitaro there teaching her made it easier to grasp things. Somewhat to her alarm, however, it made it harder to concentrate.

_/Am I really thinking of him in... that way now?/_ she shivered from a breeze that wasn't there. _/At least he isn't pushing me for... you know.../_ Even in her own mind, she couldn't bring herself to think of the word or the act that it represented.

An hour later, she was placing her study materials back on the bookshelf when a brown paper package on a shelf caught her eye. She picked it up and opened the top, curious to see what was inside. The wrapping was just a paper bag, and there seemed to be a single rectangular object inside.

With the top open, the label became clear and she blushed crimson, glancing around for Keitaro. He wasn't looking at her and she hurriedly closed and put the bag back in place, not wanting to let him know that she knew he had... those items.

Hurriedly, she changed for bed, got into her futon and pulled it tight around her. _/If he has those then that means that he... and me... to do.../_ the panicked thoughts ran through her head. She listened while he turned out the light and walked slowly across the room toward their futons. She tensed as he moved, afraid and excited that tonight was meant to be "the night".

When he walked past her and settled into his own bed, she relaxed a little, though, much to her surprise, there was a sensation of disappointment there as well.

"Good night, Motoko," he mumbled.

"G-good night, Keitaro," she managed in reply.

Apparently the training had taxed him more than he let on because soon soft snores and heavy breathing indicated that he was asleep. She sighed softly, not sure whether to be disappointed or not. It was clear, though, that their eventual nuptials were a "sooner" rather than "later affair. She blushed in the darkness and franticly tried to figure out how she was going to deal with this.

* * *

Shinobu hugged her pillow in the darkness, waiting with dread for what she knew would come. Things had been "normal" for a while when they returned. She hadn't spoken to Keitaro, but that was because she had too much on her mind. She'd mad dinner for the house and had eaten a little, but besides that she had spent the evening ducking Su.

In the darkness, she knew that she would come for her. She shivered and the flesh on her arms pebbled.

_/I hate myself./_

She rocked with the pillow in her arms, hugging it tightly to her chest. Seeing Keitaro and Motoko together at dinner had only served to remind her of the pain it had caused her several days ago. When she was away from them, she'd convinced herself that she didn't care anymore, but seeing them together made her ache inside.

_/I hate this./_

In the darkness, she could only hug herself and wait. She knew that the other girl was coming and as much as she didn't want to be "that way" the pain of seeing Keitaro and Motoko together made her want to feel something, anything else. Being with Su wasn't so bad, she was a gentle lover and it made Shinobu feel special while it was happening. The remorse that happened after was unavoidable, but right then, Shinobu was willing to pay that price.

_/Please come to me./_

After a seeming eternity, she heard the soft sound of footsteps and then the warmth of another body against hers. She pressed her lips to those of the other person and fumbled her hands across her body, taking an active role for the first time. They didn't speak, and they didn't have to.

* * *

Author's Notes: Sort of a short one there. In any case, I know I'm going back and forth on the Shinobu thing, but I'm liking it for now so it looks like I'm rolling with it. As per the note at the top, I'm looking for prereaders, so drop me a line in one fashion or another if you'd like to help out with this and/or my other fic.

Quite possibly the next chapter I produce will be for the other story since this one took me a long time to take from concept to reality.

In any case, please review or send me direct C&C. I love getting notes and it really does influence where the story goes.


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